Vulnerability is a GO not a NO…
In a vulnerebellious moment — when you feel empowered to act in spite of the resistance in your body — I said “Hello” to someone I thought I recognised and magic unfolded…
“I think he’s off the TV” I said to myself which was immediately followed by, “Why would he want to talk to you? He’s going to think you’re only speaking to him because he’s famous.” The truth was that I was about to run a men’s circle at a festival and I was nervous no one would show up so I was running about trying to encourage as many men in as possible. This was also the third or fourth time our paths had crossed at the event so I plucked up the courage and reached out my hand as I introduced myself. Turns out his name was Jeff and he liked the idea of the men’s circle but wasn’t sure. Like a lot of men, the thought of saying how he was feeling to a group of blokes wasn’t comfortable for him in the slightest. I’m very pleased to say, he stepped forward and experienced the beautiful feeling-seen-and-heard effect circles have.
A couple of months later we met again. This time it was at the wall-to-wall blue skied festival Lovejam where I was doing the workshop version of my R.A.G.E (Radical Access to Greater Energy) sessions. They are designed to encourage the conversation around vulnerability in showing our “darker” emotions. Mainly anger and sadness in this case. You see, society deems it more acceptable for men to show anger than sadness and women sadness than anger. The former each time is the secondary, deflecting, emotion. Of course, men need to express their tears and women need to let out their anger but it’s surprising how many people find those things incredibly difficult to do. 50 people showed up and let things rip. People came up to me at the end saying how much they needed it. Check out my IG for more on it. @thevulnerabilityguy
The Tuesday after Lovejam I was en route to Tesco. My partner and I love fish with boiled potatoes and green beans. Boiled potatoes with salad cream seem to be vibing with me at the mo! Anyway, I got a call from Jeff, “Your workshop was excellent, it made me realise some deep stuff! I’m going to ITV tomorrow, do you have any ideas I could pitch to them?” I took a deep breath trying to remain composed but secretly wanting to scream out with excitement. “Wow!” I said, exhaling slowly at the same time. “That’s really kind of you. Thank you for reaching out and yes, yes I do.”
What’s App, organise, location, time, coffee.
As we perched and sipped it was lovely to hear his story and share mine. He suggested while we wait for the TV meeting we start with an IG live. I about fell off my seat.
300 people tuned in to hear us encouraging the conversation around vulnerability. The comments were hugely positive and grateful for the tools and tips I suggested upon Jeff’s vulnerability in opening up about his story. He mentioned the men’s circle and the R.A.G.E workshop were the most vulnerable he’s felt in a long time and how pushing through made him feel. He’s got the vulnerability bug which is awesome! We make a good team too it seems :)
The moral of the story is, that you never know what saying “Hello” or stepping forward into an environment that pushes your comfort zone might lead to. It could encourage 300-plus people to be a little braver. The knock-on effect of that could be life-changing. That’s why I say, “Vulnerability is the catalyst to our freedom”. We’ve labelled it a “negative” feeling but with practise it reframes into a “positive” one. Despite feeling uncomfortable it becomes a “Go” not a “No”. Try it and see for yourself. Magic can (and will) truly unfold on the other side.
Thanks for reading. As always, there’s a practice below to try out.
With gratitude,
Adam :)
PRACTICE: ET — Emotional Training
WHY: Each time we face our vulnerability we reprogramme our brain. We gain evidence on how rebelling through the “negative” makes us feel freer to be ourselves. It creates a virtuous circle.
HOW TO START: Next time you’re alone with someone you don’t know, e.g. in a lift, ask, “How’s your day going?” or find something you genuinely like about what they’re wearing and pay them a compliment. The point is to witness how you feel simply by pushing through the nerves. Alive, right?
Adam Slawson is a Transformational Coach specialising in Vulnerability and Authenticity in Relationships and the founder of Plight Club clothing. His mission is to redefine vulnerability. For more tools on tips to become better at expressing your emotions download his free e-guide here and/or visit his website here.
Living consciously and by choice instead of by habit is amazing but it takes practise. I’ll save you a lot of time and support you through the insecurity of change. If you’re curious about this work, book a free discovery call and I’ll answer any questions you may have…
