Vulnerability Is An Adrenaline Sport

If Redbull sponsored feelings, they’d choose vulnerability.

You see those Redbull-sponsored events, like cliff jumping or parachute jumping, and you think, man, that takes some guts. Have you ever tried something like that? Where you stand on the edge, waiting to jump? Can you sense how that feels in your body right now?

Speaking up and saying how you feel, is no different. The moment before the words come out is like an emotional cliff jump. You’ve taken the step to dare to let yourself be seen and heard. You’re not going to hide anymore and sh!t, you’re out there! To feel the self-acceptance, confidence and freedom on the other side of saying how you feel, you have to make a choice. A choice to speak up.

An adrenaline sport I’m well-versed in is kickboxing. I’m a black belt because I used to suffer from extreme cases of anxiety which caused me to overthink and feel very vulnerable. Kickboxing was my therapy. No matter how anxious I got, it would sort it out. Or so I thought…

It wasn’t until I had an anxiety bout that lasted 3 weeks, (I slept for about 2 hours a night, lost 7kg and even turned this weird shade of grey) that I realised kickboxing couldn’t always fix it. It numbed it slightly but the pressure under my skin and wanting to cry at any second just kept coming back.

This was the last straw and it turned out to be the best thing that happened to me. It forced me out of my comfort zone. Remember, emotions are simply energy in motion. So when I practised kickboxing I let out some of the “steam” but not all of it. To release it all takes finding the root cause. That takes leaning in and speaking about how I was feeling and f*ck, to start with, that felt more intense and scary than stepping into the ring.

Anxiety and the vulnerability it creates, are common traits of the people I work with. Many have got to breaking point. I create a container for them to explore their emotions safely with tools to move them to where they want to be. That might be more confidence to speak to people they find attractive or create healthy boundaries with their families.

Some clients have recognised the overthinking warning signs and have taken steps like therapy, mindfulness or meditation before then. The lesson I learned the hard way was, that if you don’t choose to make changes in your life, life will make you at some point. I didn’t even realise that kickboxing 8 times a week was considered a lot until someone mentioned it.

So I chose to start experimenting with the feeling of being vulnerable. The transformational reframe of vulnerability being an adrenaline sport came to me in a lift.

Picture the scene — me and another person in silence, me overthinking with the tick, ticking of my watch seemingly echoing in the confined space.

Should I say something? They don’t want to talk to me, do they? What if I say something and they don’t reply or want to have a conversation? Adam! You’ve been here before. Just say something if YOU want to. If they don’t want to speak, that’s on them. Okay, here goes…

Enter an adrenaline spike stage left! Deep breath.

“Hey, I love your jacket. Where’s it from?”

“Ah, thank you! Camden.”

Ding!

“Have a good day,” I said as I left the lift.

“You too,” I heard in the distance as I noticed the pleasant, dare I say calming, rush of facing vulnerability flood my body. It was a combination of relief and feeling seen in one swell.

And that was the day my life changed forever.

I walked to my desk with a glow and sense of presence not too dissimilar from preparing to kickbox with someone. I felt proud of simply speaking up and thought, if oak trees grow incrementally, ring by ring, then there might be something in facing into these micro-moments of anxiety.

So I made chatting in lifts my adrenaline sport and my confidence grew a tiny bit each time. I’ve shared the tool with you below on how I did this, so you can give it a try.

Facing into the smaller moments of vulnerability is like going to the emotional gym which, over time, creates inner strength. Working your emotional muscles gives you the ability to face vulnerability in other situations. It’s totally transformed my life and it can do the same for you too.

It will help you to feel truly seen and aligned with the life that feels like it’s meant for you because you’ll gain the confidence to hold yourself when expressing difficult things in relationships, work and conversations with friends and family.

It’s not easy to start with but, remember, people don’t go straight to freefall parachuting, they train first. Practice makes progress.

As always, thanks for reading,

Adam (Follow me on IG @thevulnerabilityguy for more)

Take On A Vulnerability Challenge And Grow Your Toolbox:

TOOL: NATO thinking (No Attachment To Outcome)

WHY: If you’re like I used to be, you probably talk yourself out of many situations by overanalysing situations to find the perfect thing to say. NATO thinking is making a pact with yourself that you’ll say whatever, in a polite/constructive way obviously and let go of the responsibility of people’s reactions.

HOW TO START: Find micro-moments like the lift or paying a (genuine) compliment to a barista when you’re about to leave with your coffee is a good starting point.

Follow me and subscribe to my profile (by clicking on the envelope icon) if you haven’t already done so to receive an email every time I post :-)

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Adam Slawson is a Transformational Coach, CEO, Author, Radio host and Facilitator. He believes “Our vulnerability is the catalyst to our freedom” and founded Plight Club clothing to encourage this conversation. With over 22 years of experience, he coaches those who’d like to master their vulnerability to overcome anxiety, transform their relationships and gain self-confidence to attract the life that was meant for them instead of accepting the one they’ve been given.

His mission is to redefine vulnerability till it’s seen as the courageous act it is. His talks and offerings help people learn the language of emotions.

For more tools on expressing your emotions download his free e-guide “6 Tools To Quieten Your Inner Critic”

and/or BOOK A FREE DISCOVERY CALL HERE

Shout out for the photo by Carl Cerstrand on Unsplash (thank you)