Change Becomes You
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Change Becomes You

Why Defining Yourself As A “Sapiosexual” Is A Red Flag

Honey, your ego is showing.

A friend of mine asked me if I knew what a Sapiosexual was during a recent conversation we were having regarding his dating life. He defined it before I even had a chance to answer. I already was familiar.

For those who don’t know, Sapiosexuals find brains attractive. They like to date smart people. It is one of the newer terms gracing online dating. I guess for those who use it, they consider themselves sophisticated — intellectuals eager to find like. However, to many who are reading those profiles, that word is a huge red flag. The big fat ego associated with it is a turn-off. Why?

Firstly, few are looking for dummies on these sites. And secondly, intelligence varies from one person to another. Anyone with it understands this. What doesn’t is “bad taste” and “trying too hard” to look smart or current.

The ability to be yourself on these dating sites is important. If “yourself” means labeling you or your potential date a trendy term, you look insecure as well as give off the vibe of being a handful all at the same time. Ultimately, you drive daters “comfortable in their own skin” and not looking for a second job away. You designate yourself “undatable” to many.

Consider not using it to put your best foot forward and avoid sending the wrong message. That would be the more intelligent choice if, in fact, you are actually looking to meet someone with a brain in their head.




Life advice that will (actually) change your life. Curated stories from The Good Men Project.

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Laura Wellington

Laura Wellington

Author of “Be Careful What You Wish For”, Founder of, TEDx Speaker, Award-winning children’s entertainment creator,

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