Why Do We Delay the Realization of “True” Happiness?
The other day, I found myself in a familiar place — engaging in my mandatory monthly introspection session (as one does). I was overthinking and analyzing everything, from my dinner menu for the week to contemplating the real meaning of life. But this time, the question that stood out was, “What is stopping me from being truly happy?” I asked myself this because I also know what to do to be truly happy. I had read enough spiritual texts and watched enough videos, all of which emphasized pretty much the same thing. Meditation. Positive thoughts beget positive experiences. Letting go of the ego. And so on. But despite having all this information, why is it still hard for so many of us to be truly content?
I realized that the reason for our struggle is an unwillingness to change, which can stem from several factors:
- Skepticism about the methods of achieving “ultimate” happiness
- Laziness/inconsistency in keeping at our practice
- Wariness about leaving our comfort zone and what we already know
Making a permanent switch in our behavior is not easy. It requires tremendous willpower and courage. We must be willing to let go of everything we thought was right to move forward, including our goals.
For instance, all our lives we were taught a pretty narrow definition of success. We are used to measuring success by superficial standards, how much money we make, how influential we are, and other external validation. This definition is perpetrated, consciously or subliminally, by everyone around us. Parents can instill a sense of competition in us. Our education system is geared towards us getting a “great” job. Letting go of something this deeply instilled in us is not easy. It requires a complete upheaval of all that we thought was right. But sometimes doing that might feel like we need to give up our dreams now. It might feel like we are becoming less competitive and that will not lead us to the “dream” job that we wanted for a while. So it is, hence, easier to push our mindfulness practice to after we reach the aforementioned goal. Then we can properly focus on “attaining” happiness. But this is a vicious, unending cycle because after getting the “dream” job, we want something else. Our goal of being more mindful slowly dissipates in this rigmarole of life because it is pushed to the back burner.
The secret is that being mindful is actually not that hard. We can practice mindfulness without making it a massive undertaking. Here are three things that have helped me become a little happier every day.
Surrounding Myself with Positivity
As cliche as it sounds, this makes a huge difference in the way we lead our lives. This positivity can be in any form. Maybe we can start with being around people who inspire us or people that make us feel happier. After all, we are who we surround ourselves with. Or it can simply be by watching videos or reading books that enlighten us. When I am in a negative headspace, it is interesting how quickly watching a positive video helps me snap out of my anxiety. Or it could simply mean disengaging from negativity — taking a break from Instagram when it is starting to feel toxic, not binge-watching a reality show when it starts to drain us, or distancing ourselves from people who are not good for us. These small steps eventually lead to major life changes.
Being More Optimistic
This seems like it is much easier said than done, but it really is not. Being a pollyanna is so freeing. It is so much easier to just let go of expectations and let life takes its course. Being more optimistic can be achieved by simple things. For instance, start framing negative experiences positively. Every time you feel like nothing is ever going your way, stop and examine the umpteen great things that are happening to you. Try gratitude journaling. This ties in with the previous point, do whatever works for you to make your outlook more positive. Once you do, you realize that all that anticipation and worry about the future will not get you anywhere because what is meant to happen will always happen. I do this thing, as a lot of us do, where I tell myself that by thinking of all the worst-case scenarios of a situation I am better preparing myself for all those outcomes and will not be disappointed if things do not go my way. But I soon realized that it did not matter that I “prepared” myself because when that bad thing happened I was still just as disappointed, if not more. So there really is no point in my pessimism, to begin with. This realization was uplifting because now, I just let go of my expectations once I’ve done my part.
Meditate, Meditate, and Meditate Some More
Need I say more? There must be some truth to the magical benefits of meditation, given how many self-help books, spiritual gurus, and mindfulness articles recommend it. So why not give it a try?
And if all else fails, sometimes all we need to do is smile. It’s that simple. Juts smile. The mere act of smiling tricks our bodies and minds into feeling happier, and the more we do it, the more natural it becomes. (and if you don’t believe me, here is science backing this too.)
Thank you for taking the time to read my musings. Remember, happiness is not a destination, but a journey. So let’s enjoy the ride, one smile at a time. :)
