THE INTERNAL RESISTANCE FILES

You Don’t Need a Kick in the Ass

It’s time to think about self-motivation in a way that actually works.

Jane Elliott PhD
Change Becomes You
Published in
7 min readAug 29, 2023

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There’s a major malfunction in how we think about self-motivation. Credit: Alamy.

If you struggle to do things that are important to you, chances are you’ve got a pretty harsh inner monologue going. This is the voice saying stuff like, Why can’t you get your act together? You’re wasting another day. None of this is good enough.

Even if you’ve never noticed this voice before, it probably makes a certain sense that it’s there. For most of us, it feels self-evident that the only way to do better is to be constantly reminded of how substandard our performance has been so far.

There are a lot of reasons that this kind of harsh self-criticism can look like the obvious approach to behavioral change, from our brains’ inbuilt negativity bias to the popular stories we tell about personal transformation. Together, these factors create the conviction the only way to change is to be as punitive and exacting as possible.

Basically, our primary model of self-motivation looks a lot like the quintessential asshole drill sergeant, screaming in our faces forever.

That wouldn’t necessarily be a problem, if this model was actually an effective tool for changing ourselves in positive ways.

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Jane Elliott PhD
Change Becomes You

Coach, Prof, Writer, Swear-er | I help high-achievers do the stuff they keep not doing.