Human Interludes 003: Gypsy Mom
Beautiful observations of random folks with a dash of over-active imagination. Take a moment out of your day to delight in your fellow humankind.
I arrived at a suburban, Los Angeles townhome for a job recently. I was helping a new client by building her IKEA wardrobe and helping her mount it to the wall. Toolbox in hand, just after dusk, I ring the bell. After almost too long (I actually rang the bell twice because I didn’t hear any shuffling on the other side) a lovely young woman with folded baby clothes in her arms answers the door.
She ushers me in and shows me the items to be built, the area in which to build them, offers me refreshments, makes sure I’m comfortable, etc. She then excuses herself to tend to the baby. Before she floats off, I express slight concern that the noise it will take to complete all of the items might wake the baby. She breezily assures me that her baby will be fine, and I believe her. She is so calm and kind and…organized! Her small townhome apartment had that feeling of someone who’s just moved in, but not like, days-fresh. Maybe a month, month and a half, tops. Enough time to be settled, but not enough time to have bought or placed all of the additional furniture one inevitably needs when decorating a new space. Her place is immaculate. And cozy. And inviting. She looks slightly tired but never flustered. She has a classic rock band t-shirt on tucked into casual jeans. You can see the ironed creases in the sleeves of her T-shirt. Add to that that this kind, thorough lady has in her loving possession a 5-month old who is the best behaved baby I’ve ever seen… you have a superhero.
I start in on my work and she is in the other room for a while. Then, much later at night as I’m 2/3 of the way done (which the baby slept through!), she tells me that her friend/neighbor is coming down to watch the baby so she can go grocery shopping, even though it’s 10 pm. I tell her sheepishly that I am a weirdo who loves shopping late at night and she proclaims the same. We share that. She adds, “Plus, it’s just about the only time I can get away,” referring to the tiny human in the other room. I have no kids but used to be an au pair/babysitter and am the oldest sibling of three. I have dozens of cousins and nieces and nephews, so I understand very well what she means.
A few minutes later the predicted knock comes on the front door and a woman — probably in her mid 20’s wearing a bright red, off-the-shoulder top, black skinny jeans and cute white loafer tennis shoes comes to the door. She is bubbly and not shy and I love her right away. I hear them talking about bottle preferences, what to do if the baby wakes up while my client is still out, etc. All of the intricate mommy plans to be made for an hour jaunt across the street. It is sweet and strategic and fascinating to hear.
Next, my client makes sure I’m set up in case she’s still out when I finish. She gets out cash specifically for me in order to be able to pay me the right amount. She’s ordered pizza ahead of time and shares a slice with me. She thinks of everything. It is a breath of fresh air.
Once my client leaves, the friend makes her way around the house finding ways to be useful. She puts away folded clothes, picks up baby items (which are mostly already put away but she tidies up as much as she possibly can on top of that). She is eager to be of service to her new-mom friend and I am delighted to witness it.
After a little while when she’s done with the very few things she can find to improve upon in the soothing household, she comes out to where I’m working and starts to chat with me. She tells me that my client has a terrible custody situation going on with an abusive ex and that her other kids (pictured in beautiful canvas photos on the wall framed in cursive-font, inspirational phrases) are being affected. The tells me details that I’m shocked about. Not only from a humanity perspective, but just from a “you’d literally never be able to tell” perspective. My client was, I’d say, in the top percentile of women who have a new baby that age who seem to really have their shit together — even without this nearly impossible backstory. (This said with ZERO judgement against any parent — new or otherwise — I just acknowledge the fact that it is a HARD job, and this lady seems to flow in and out of each moment seamlessly.) I can’t quite describe it accurately but she was like a warm light emanating in every direction, and learning this tragic backstory only made her light that much brighter and more wonderful to me.
We get to talking about humanity and things we’ve both gone through in similar realms. She herself has a one year-old baby (upstairs and a few units down). Her husband is watching the baby. When my clients’ baby stirs from his sleep, she goes in and brings him out and begins the process of trying to feed him in the stead of his real mommy. He’s never had formula before. She calls mom a few times as they try various options, ultimately resulting in a bottle of breast milk being defrosted. This little guy knows what’s good for him. He wants the liquid gold he’s used to. (Babies are so interesting).
She talks to the baby in this adorable voice but says very accurate revelations to him. It is so cute. You can tell she is a great mom. Soon I’m doing the same to the precious little thing as he clues in to the fact that there’s some great interaction going on out here in the living room and by flirting with us with his lovely, large baby eyes we keep him close so he doesn’t fuss. He’s one of us now.
She reveals to me that she is part Eastern European and large part gypsy. That explains her exotic features and hair. Somehow we get on the topic of the universe at large and our philosophies. All this while I drill and hammer away. It is an enlightening and enjoyable conversation.
She tells me that she was in church one Sunday about two months ago, close to the front, and just couldn’t DEAL with it that day. (I can relate, I tell her. I was raised Catholic and left the church for good right after my confirmation ceremony and never looked back.) She, on the other hand, only moved to the back row, and in that back row, she happened to sit down right next to my client. They didn’t know each other, but struck up a conversation. Since they are both new moms and attend the same church the conversation progressed rapidly. The friend learned about the perilous situation that my client was in, saw the children being impacted and — obviously full of compassion — told her that there was a unit opening up in her building and that she should move there. She would help her with childcare and be a shoulder to lean on.
And seemingly like that, they were neighbors. I remark upon my awe at the display of humanity which has just been outlined for me. The woman tells me that her own mom was a gypsy and was homeless for most of her childhood. She tells me how much that impacted her own upbringing. Then she pauses, folding back up a blanket that was already folded.
“You know, my mother was homeless because nobody helped her. I guess that’s why when I met [my client] that day in church, I wanted to help her. I wanted to help her.”
When she said that, so plainly and beautifully, as if it was the first time she had thought — let alone spoken — such a theory about their friendship, I felt like I had just been initiated into some sort of superhero tribe of GOOD. I was overjoyed at hearing such simple, hopeful acts of kindness. Happening all around me! Particularly in this current state of the world. I felt so lucky.
In turn, this filled me with a third-wind of energy. I went above and beyond in making sure that the wardrobe cabinet, taller than me by about a foot and a half, was mounted so firmly into the wall that none of her multiple, young children would be able to pull it down once they were allowed to see their amazing mother again. Suddenly, my tired and achey muscles communicated to me that they wanted to be involved and swept up in this wave of good will we took a rest stop in. However we (my body and I) could help punctuate and pay forward these actual good vibrations, we would do. Our worries, our problems…they didn’t exist in this moment. All that existed was the gravitational force field that we were trying to uphold and daisy-chain to make sure it would shine on. Extending far beyond each of our own fingertips and hearts forming a web of light, lifting up person after person with the kind of invisible support that, when we’re most in tune with our lives we can feel and receive, but not see.
