On living the way I want to
the implicit consequence of having a finite life

One the most important things I have learned and experienced is to build an internal world for myself. A world that is not impacted by external events and changes. I know I am who I am regardless of the job title I have, the work I do, or whether people understand me or not. We spend all that time trying to seek approval externally, failing to recognize that the hardest person to get approval from, is ourselves.

It has been a new phenomenon for me —my new self. I have been so used to reacting in certain ways, that these days I sit and wait for myself to react, only to find out I am really not reacting. It is not a delayed reaction or suppressed reaction, I am just no longer bothered with a lot of things that used to bother me anymore.

Why?

We all know consciously or subconsciously that we have a finite number of years to live, but that is not enough. What needs more examination is the implicit consequence of having a finite life. We have finite experiences to have, places to immerse in, work to create, books to read, words to write, people to love.

Once I realized that, there’s no going back. I’m just going to live my damned life the way I want to.

I am going to learn to play the piano, start painting like there’s no tomorrow, say a silent prayer of gratitude to all the books I am going to read, hug the trees of the places I will travel to, while doing the best I can to love the world in my own way.

Most of all, I am going to give myself a good pat on the back, for having this epiphany relatively early on in my life, rather than worrying for the rest of my life about disappointing the world, when all the world needs — is for her people to really love her.