3 Reasons Why Losing Friends as You Get Older Can Be a Gift
Remember your Highschool best friend, the one you thought would walk with you side by side throughout life. Are they the same as this year’s best friend? Maybe they are, and maybe they are not. Maybe they are not even in your inner circle anymore.
Let’s try another scale. Are the top contacts in your social media and text messages the same as last year? Chances are, you’ll be surprised to see what people you talk to most now versus those from a year ago. Scientists from Aalto University in Finland and the University of Oxford in England have found this to be true by analyzing data from 3 million phone users to determine the frequency and patterns of those they contacted and when. They also looked at overall activity within those users’ networks.
This is one of the harsh truths that we have to face when transitioning from a stage of life to another. We change friends more often than we may think and it has been proven scientifically that the older we get, the fewer friends we have. According to a study published in the Royal Society Open Science journal: “Sex differences in social focus across the life cycle in humans”, our friend circle start decreasing by the age of 25.
“People become more focused on certain relationships and maintain those relationships,” said Kunal Bhattacharya, a postdoctoral researcher at Aalto University who co-authored the study. “You have new family contacts developing, but your casual circle shrinks.” Robin Dunbar, a professor of evolutionary psychology at the University of Oxford who co-authored the paper, also weighed in on this theory. “Women have this idea of a best friend, who is similar to a romantic partner … and women work hard at these relationships,” he said. “Particularly with friendships, if you don’t invest in them or see those friends, they will decay and quite rapidly drop.”
Change can be scary, but it’s also inevitable. So here are three reasons as to why changing friends can have a positive impact on your life.
1. Old Friends might Be Holding You Back
Old friends are a treasure, most of the time. They can be seen as an anchor to hold on to when things are getting messy. However, just as holding on tightly to a rope can cause you pain, trying so hard to keep in touch and maintaining the bond with your old friends can be bad for you. For example, let’s say you used to be the joker on your friends’ group, even if you’ve outgrown this behavior, being around the same people will automatically set you back to that state. Also, you could be seeing life from a new perspective, but your old friends keep dragging you back to some familiar concept that won’t help you try new things.
You may lose good friends, but you will also lose the toxic people who never made you feel uplifted or happy in their company. And you are freeing the room to have new friendships. By doing so, your interests and tastes might change — and it makes you adopt a new view of life broadening your horizons even further.
2. By Not Over-Socializing, You Can Build Deeper Friendships
When you were in high school and college, you were surrounded by groups of people with similar interests and it made it easier to form friendships. Perhaps you had greater patience and tolerance for everyone you met. However, as you get older, you learn the value of having a few close friends that you can call on in times of need rather than a loose network of acquaintances.
Many of your friends may have simply drifted away, but those who stayed through thick and thin are the ones with whom you formed a deeper bond and it doesn’t have anything to do with how long you’ve had them in your life but how they stood by your side. Sincere friendships are making more sense to you than a lot of superficial relationships because you are only willing to talk about your personal life to the few people you trust.
When you have fewer friends, you can put more effort into building meaningful connections with those you see and talk to regularly.
3. You Can Work on Yourself
One of the hardest challenges of your young-adult life is to find balance. The busier you get, the less time you are dedicated to your friends. As the responsibilities grow, the several free nights you had are now limited. Tough choices become part of your life: Do I spend my weekend on self-care or do I stay out until 2 a.m. to catch up with my friends? Adult life makes you question your choices and think them through wisely. And this leads back to finding a balance between maintaining a healthy social life and working on your own self-development and hobbies.
A smaller social circle makes it easier to make time for yourself, which in turn benefits your career, relationships, and overall well-being.
The take-away
The healthiest people manage to hold onto the friendships that nourish them, whilst forming new connections at the same time. Losing and gaining friends is a normal part of life. If you feel that your friends don’t quite fit your personality and lifestyle anymore, reach out, and form some new relationships.
A friend should be one who can help you out when you are in genuine need and with whom you are comfortable. So have friends who care for you or are at least merely considerate about you and your quest to grow and explore.
