A Dummy’s Framework to Look Inward

Why looking inward is so hard?

Author

Most time the answer to a confused and stuck state is looking inward. It is a way of introspection to help you get clarity on your current feelings, situations, perceptions, and judgments.

There are a lot of discussions, articles, talks, and books on the topic. Some coaches can mediate the entire process for you and help you gain clarity.

But here is the truth, all the external sources will not be able to help you if you do not help yourself. Looking inward is hard, especially for people who are too lazy to work on themselves.

What is looking inward?

In simple words, paying attention to your inner feelings and trying to interpret them.

However, if you care to expand the words to deep dive, here is what it looks like-

• Recognizing yourself at cognitive and behavioral levels. What causes you to behave in a certain way? Is there a particular trigger that gets a certain reaction out of you?
• Your ease to connect with others. Can you do it easily? Does it take extra effort? Do you reach out for help or try to figure it out on your own?
• Recognize your limits. Do you give up often and quickly? Why does that happen? Are you tough on yourself?
• What makes you happy? Do you work on those things regularly?
• Do you recognize the good parts i.e. practice gratitude?

Why looking inward is difficult?

You see, recognizing yourself at such a deep level is uncomfortable. It is a first-hand experience of learning your limitations and vulnerabilities, followed by immediate realization of the hard work you would need to put in.

However, once you learn to change your limitations into positive outcomes, looking inward becomes easier.

On the flip side, if you practice looking inward regularly, you will become more self-aware and self-accepting than ever. You would not wait for an external push to work on yourself.

In the long run, looking inward will become a way of life.

But coming back to looking inward, there is no particular way to do so. It is subjective to your personal interpretation.

As it is an ongoing process with long-term benefits, you can feel lost halfway and lose the grip of your grit.

I often feel lost forgetting why I started and where I am headed.

So, I decided to help myself and put my journey down on a map. A map that I can always refer to when I am not able to interpret my feelings.

I sat with a pen and paper and tried to outline all possible reasons for inner conflicts and their outcomes.

Author’s notes.

What you will see ahead is just my way of interpreting my feelings. Please feel free to add your inputs on top.

Step 1: Ask questions.

- How am I feeling — happy, sad, afraid, or nervous? This is my attempt to understand my emotions.

Step 2: Interpret the answer.

- Why am I feeling this way? What is the first reason that comes to mind? A breakup, a work-related issue, a promotion, not sure, etc.

- Is the cause tangible or non-tangible?

- Is it caused by a person or a circumstance?

- Is there a way to control the outcome?

Step 3: Validate the answer — am I making it up or is there actual proof?

- Example 1: I feel sad *because* I broke up with my partner.

- Example 2: I feel afraid *because* I might lose my job due to industry-wide layoffs

- Example 3: I feel happy *because* I got a promotion at work.

- Example 4: I feel low *but* I am not sure why.

First 3 examples have an actual proof but example 4 has no tangible reason to occur.

Step 4: Action. Different situations would require different actions.

- Emotions triggered by a tangible reason can have different actions from the ones triggered by an intangible reason.

• Like in example 1 above, you can talk to your partner and in example 2, you start with immediate job hunt.
• But in example 4, It would make sense to work on healing your inner feelings by bringing necessary change. That’s when people choose to go on a trip or treat themselves, etc.

Step 5: Final Reset

- While it is comparatively easy to put a flow of interpretations in place, understanding human emotions itself is hard.

• Once you have taken necessary actions, take a step back to process your emotions. It could be weeping in bed, going on a trip, taking time off.
• Take time and space to let your emotions break down before you try to put them back together and reassess them as happy, sad, low, or high.
• The goal is to reach a sane and fully functional emotional capacity.

In Summary, here are a dummy’s steps to look inward

1. Step 1: Ask yourself questions to identify your feelings.
2. Step 2: Interpret your answers to the questions asked in step 1.
3. Step 3: Validate your answers with a proof if possible. This will help you take action accordingly.
4. Step 4: Take necessary action to change the situation into a positive outcome.
5. Step 5: Finally, reassess your emotions based on actions taken to resolve inner conflict.

Let me know how you look inward and process your emotions. What changes would you recommend to my approach?

TC,

P.