A Stoic Lesson to Change Your Flaws Into Strengths
For they are your way towards mastering yourself
A flaw is personal. It’s a dark part of us that makes us feel quite low, so it isn’t something that we’d always feel comfortable sharing with people.
But whether we choose to share them, we still have them. There will be times when they overpower us(which does feel more often) but there will also be times when we win — this is the ongoing process of living with them.
Throughout my life, I have met different people. Many of them were held back by their flaws in different ways,
- They were not aware of them
- They were aware of them and were dominated by them
- They were in denial about them
There could be many more, of course, but I noticed these so far because I could see myself in each of them.
I would especially feel it when I met anyone who felt the imposter syndrome. It’s not the worst flaw to have but it felt quite heavy when it made me question who I was and what I was capable of.
When I was still in school, it wasn’t so bad because I had report cards to bring home. But when that was over and I was navigating my way through the world, that’s when it got difficult, that’s when I was always unsure of myself and had to build up a bunch of courage just to have a conversation at work.
Naturally, flaws made me feel weak, so whenever I was around people and these feelings kicked in, I would always find myself feeling below them. When I would watch how some other people would react when they faced similar situations, it was almost the same, so this reassured me that this was right(even though it felt wrong).
For a long time, I reluctantly believed that this was what life was meant to be — until I met the other kind of people, the ones who owned their flaws.
They changed everything for me
They were the kind to swim against the tide of what I thought life was, they were physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually strong, and they were the kind to never give up.
I was pulled toward them and got the chance to work with them, to workout with them and to solve problems with them. When I asked them whether they ever felt like an imposter, they said yes, but instead of letting it break them down, they used it to make them stronger.
These were people who were overweight, and instead of just feeling sorry for themselves, they took responsibility for where they were — they changed their diet and built a discipline that got them to a healthier place.
I will never forget this guy who had palsy on one side of his body. I couldn’t help but feel sorry for him, but I don’t think he felt sorry for himself because whenever I was at the gym, he was there too. He was always finding a way to workout and push himself. He never gave up, not like the other folk who walked to the gym only to swipe their cards and get reward points.
Instead of complaining about their flaws or using them as an excuse to hold them back, these people studied long hours and worked hard at mastering their craft — they repurposed their flaws and used them to take responsibility for their lives.
Meeting them helped me change how I defined my self-worth and take action against my flaws instead of succumbing to them. And more than that, they convinced me that it doesn’t matter what flaws you have because what you do with them will always matter more.
But how does someone repurpose their flaws?
I figured out that answer for me some time back, but I didn’t know how to answer this for others, others who had strong reasons for their flaws like childhood trauma, negative programming or dealing with generational curses.
But something clicked the other day when I came across these few words in one of Seneca’s letters,
But why will someone not confess to their faults? Because they are still within its grasp
Our flaws have great power over us. We don’t like the way they make us feel about ourselves, and we don’t like how they make us seem to others, so we judge, criticize or feel sorry for ourselves to try and make ourselves feel better about our flaws.
When we try to resolve this issue by getting into power struggles with our flaws, that makes us get into power struggles with others where we try to make ourselves feel better by bringing them down or making them feel sorry for us.
All of this just strengthens the power our flaws have over us.
But the first step out of that, as I learned from Seneca, is to confess to your faults.
Be honest about them.
Admit to yourself that this is your flaw, and right now that’s something you can’t change.
Accept it as your current reality so that you no longer give in to the habit of trying to solve your problems by running away from them or getting others to make you feel better about them.
It’s not a pleasant feeling at first, but once you admit this to yourself, you start to find a bit of power because you can start to use things that you can control to do something about where you are — you can start to take responsibility for your flaws.
- You can study and master your craft to get over feeling like an imposter
- You can workout to challenge yourself and better your physical health(and mental health too)
- You can learn about mental health and change the self-destructive habits you’ve been building
Confessing to your faults can help you do what you need to do to take charge of your life and turn it into something better.
This is what self-mastery is
I have been following this path for some time now and I don’t see an end to my flaws — I learn about new ones and the older ones are often challenged in different ways.
But I don’t mind because I think this is the way life was meant to be. It keeps me humble and moving towards mastering myself and becoming the best version of myself. I wouldn’t be able to make progress if my flaws didn’t show me where I needed to improve myself.
It takes courage to move forward on most days, but each choice to step forward in a better direction is how we continue to grow our power over our flaws and at the same time, master ourselves.
And this is what I leave to you. If you find yourself looking at your flaws as weaknesses, as different ways for you to be broken down, change them, repurpose them and give them a better meaning because they are direct pointers to where you need to improve yourself.
Your flaws will feel like obstacles at times, but they are yours, so don’t try to run away from them, move forward toward them because it’s just as Marcus Aurelius once said, the obstacles are the way — your flaws are your way.
“The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson
Invest in your existence,
René
