Acctionable Steps to Change the Way You Think
“Stuck” on a problem your mind cannot seem to solve?
To change the way you think, you can gain perspective by zooming out, stimulate new thoughts by asking different questions, and change the inputs that have contributed to the way you currently are thinking.
“The limits of my language are the limits of my world” Wittgenstein
At times, we all find ourselves lost in our thoughts, going round and round a problem that seems to have no solution. This article aims to offer a practical remedy for this self-destructive cycle.
This will be most valuable if you actually follow the steps with a pen and paper, not just read through it.
I have previously written about the concept of “thinking” and the framework behind it, here I will focus merely on the practical.
Very short recap
I’ve described thinking as mental habits — patterns that become habitual through continuous repetition.
Habits can offer immense value as they are efficient and their positive effects can accumulate over time.
However, unhealthy habits can also accumulate their negative effects over time. Some examples of unhealthy habits include eating fast food, sitting for prolonged periods, and smoking.
These habits can lead us to become stagnant and stuck in certain situations, preventing us from making progress.
The same principle applies to mental habits. While some habits can be helpful in improving our quality of life, others can be detrimental.
Mental habits can become complex as they often layer on top of behavioral habits. Additionally, thoughts are more difficult to recognize than behaviors since they are more subtle. Although changing one’s thoughts is more flexible than changing behaviors, it can be more challenging to recognize mental patterns.
Awareness is the first step towards making any changes.
At this moment, I would like to propose the notion that I have the ability to alter my thought process in both an input and output-oriented manner. Additionally, there is a third approach which involves creating more space between my thoughts and my perceived sense of self.
In the following chapters I will provide examples but not venture further into the theoretical concepts behind these ideas.
The Practice:
To make this actionable, consider a current issue that you are facing. Grab a writing tool and jot it down.
It could be a challenge at work, in your personal life, or a relationship. It doesn’t have to be a major problem, but something that keeps coming up.
It’s best to focus on issues that repeat themselves, those problems that keep resurfacing.
- Maybe you face a difficult decision.
- Struggle doing the work.
- getting rid of an old habit.
- maybe you are not able to make the optimal choices for your health
example: I cannot get to bed in time because I keep getting stuck in front of my screen. This is an issue that keeps coming back into my life and I feel like I’m mindlessly wasting away hours of my life.
Don’t overthink it, just let it out.
Optional: write an intention — a positive affirmation to take action and solve your problem.
example: “I intend to use the time I have in the evenings to engage in mindful behaviors that align with my goals and prepare me for a restful night of sleep.”
Zoom out
Talking too much about a problem can actually make it worse. Therapy often uses the concept of “psychological distancing” to create some space from the problem and avoid reinforcing negative patterns or so-called “chatter”.
Step 1: Create Distance
- Talk about your problem in the second person, as if someone else had the issue (address yourself in your name).
- Write down 2–3 sentences at least then keep going for as long as your brain keeps generating ideas.
example: Tim often keeps getting stuck in front of the screen at night instead of going to bed, he complains about not feeling as rested in the morning as he should have. Tim says that he does not enjoy the mindlessness but finds it difficult to interrupt…
Step 2: Recommendations for a Friend
- Assuming a friend confided these issues to you, what would be your advice to them?
example: What recommendations would you give Tim, your best friend, who keeps complaining about not going to bed on time? What questions would you ask? how would the answers help with your recommendations?
Step 3: Advice from your future Self
- How would you think about this problem 10 years from now?
example: 10 Years ago tim had often struggled with going to bed on time. It’s funny talking about this now because it seems so far away. What helped me most was to learn to sit with the underlying feeling of boredom that triggered these mindless activities and to just fill the day with more satisfying activities like….
These are three simple steps that can help you gain perspective.
One of these options is likely to work well for you.
When we have perspective, the issue at hand appears more manageable, and we regain control. We are empowered to take action without feeling overwhelmed.
The next step is to use this momentum to stimulate something new.
change output
Now that we’ve gained some distance to the problem it likely seems less severe but there still might not be a solution to the issue at hand.
For this, we can use the mind’s innate capability to solve problems and just force it to think differently to generate new solutions — ask different questions.
I found the most effective way to do this, is to work with polarities.
It can be challenging to understand at first, especially if you are still close to the issue. It requires practice. Every statement has an underlying polarity, with opposing sides that can be beneficial or detrimental.
Look for evaluations (not observations) in your initially stated problem, things that are not objectively true but only subjectively true to you at that moment. (e.g. never, always…) as well as adjectives — words that describe HOW you feel.
in this example the evaluations “mindlessly & wasting” or “keep getting stuck” can work.
Step 1: State the Problem:
example: I am mindlessly wasting my time.
Step 2: what if the problem was in reverse?
(mindlessly and wasting can both be looked at as separate “problems” here)
then let your mind generate answers to that question — what is your initial response? how does it make you feel?
you can also toy with partially reversing the question and repeating the process.
example: what if I was mindfully using my time? (add a response to that)
example: what if I was mindlessly using my time?
or what if I was mindfully wasting my time?
The main point here is to think differently about your problem in fact, to think in complete opposition to it.
Afraid of making a wrong decision?
What if you were not afraid of making a wrong decision?
Or
What if you were afraid to make the right decision?
Or
What if you were not afraid to make the right decision?
Step 3: Try different Questions
how could this problem be used using a completly different resource?
example: instead of relying on willpower I could just ask my partner to turn off the internet …
How many different perspectives on this problem can you generate? How many different ways of saying the same problem can you create? be creative
example: I might not want to face my feelings and distract myself from that.
Maybe I want to hide and not be seen.
These mindless activities could also be a rest from the work I had done today
…
What if your current problem is your process of uncovering a solution?
example: by learning what I don’t want, I get more clarity on what I do want.
It is not even necessary to find a clear solution here. the point is to stimulate the mind to generate something new, to deviate from the habituated, the old, and automated to create room for new possibilities.
change the input
This last idea can and should always be addressed either way. It does not lead to rapid changes of thinking and is there for listed last.
in short:
To achieve sustainable results, expose your mind to high-quality information with a high quality of attention.
You can learn about your topic or habits by reading, listening, and talking to people who have studied the issue.
Reading a book is the best way to gain 20 years of experience in just a few hours and rewire your brain.
Continuously feeding your brain with information specific to your problem can also be helpful over time. Podcasts and short articles can provide additional information, but they may not elicit as sustainable of a response as books.
The key to change is a high intensity of perceived information (Awareness).
Take the time to find books, podcasts, and other helpful resources that you may not have thought about before. and engage in that context a little bit every day.
Changing behaviors
Discussing the extent to which thinking can change without taking action is narrow-minded.
Oftentimes, our thoughts are influenced by our actions and we tend to rationalize our behavior.
Therefore, there are two approaches to consider.
Firstly, changing up your routines surrounding the problem can lead to different thoughts and perspectives (such as changing rooms, positions, clothing, or surrounding yourself with different people).
Secondly, altering your routines regarding the solutions you have gathered can also be effective. Consider taking one actionable step to integrate into your existing routines or implementing something new to assist with desired behavior.
example: Setting an alarm at 9 p.m. to remind myself to turn off electronic devices.
Change your emotional State
It would be ignorant to disregard our emotional state too, as emotions often lead to repetitive thoughts. This topic is worthy of its own article (or books in fact).
Barbara Frederickson’s research has shown that inducing positive emotions broadens our attention and thought repertoire.
What brings you joy? Can you describe how joy feels in your body? Can you recall a moment when you felt joyful? What is one simple action you can take that brings you joy? Additionally, what are you grateful for? Can you feel grateful for taking the time to do this practice?
The solution lies in feeling rather than thinking. A change in thinking will naturally follow.
Outro
These are some useful techniques I’ve personally found effective for changing one’s mindset quickly.
After completing these exercises, you should ideally feel a heightened sense of clarity, perspective, and calm.
The situation should no longer feel as overwhelming as it did before.
You may also come up with a new idea on how to approach the problem and have at least one actionable step you can take to address it.
Additionally, you may discover a new resource such as a book or podcast to broaden your understanding of the topic.
Now it’s time to move on from thinking to doing.
Best of luck to you!
