Be Aware: The Disorganised Attachment Style’s Stress Response
Disorganised attachment is defined by unpredictable patterns of behaviour in relationships. In my unaware and unhealed disorganised state I found myself craving relationships when I was alone but wanting to push them away when I found one. I would approach, then fall back, approach then fall back.
This back and forth behaviour is incredibly confusing not just for the romantic interest on the other end of it, but the disorganised individual themself.
In a disorganised individual’s mind it can seem perplexing why they want something so badly one moment but then feel the need to push it away the next.
Unlike the anxiously attached who has been conditioned to find comfort close to others and the avoidant who finds comfort outside of intimate relationships, the disorganised attached find comfort in neither. This harpens back to two key beliefs: “I am not safe on my own”, and “I am not safe around others”.
What can happen with two conflicting beliefs such as this is that the disorganised individual get stuck: paralysed between two beliefs built on fear that push them to go two different ways. Do they move towards relationships or do they fall back into themselves and how can they do either when both choices bring discomfort?
