Blessings in a Rainstorm
For a while I’ve been discussing my cancer and opening up about my feelings and emotions. Writing is my narrative to explain what I am feeling. I’ve shared hints of dark feelings and even shared that I overcome the shame and hurt of HIV and suffering from addiction in smoking with cancer. I’ve shared so much, but what I haven’t shared is the blessing that I have received through God.
I’ve been holding back the good stuff.
You know I’ve been thinking about the word testimony lately and how I’ve had people tell me that when I get out of this I will have a powerful testimony of how good God is. Well I’m not out of the woods yet, but I feel as if I have a testimony to share. During this process starting from the hospital, I prayed that God would just keep his angels around me. Now I have faith that He did, but I feel that He blessed me with the sweetest and nicest nurses. I cried to them and they held me when I was at my weakest. Not only did God bless me with the best nurses, but He has been in every process from getting orders, to healing my body and mind, giving my family and friends peace. I mean the list goes on. If I can take one thing from this experience, it is that I am thankful to be getting back closer to God and reuniting with family that I haven’t spoken too in years. This experience, which is awful, is a blessing in itself for opening my eyes and reigniting my faith in God and sparking my desire to want to serve Him.
My Heart Is Filled With Joy
I meant it when I said that my cancer was a blessing. It has allowed me to really open my eyes. Having cancer has allowed my heart to fill with joy because the tiny things in life that I took for granted. I have learned to see the world and life day by day and trusting that God is in control. The small miracles. PROOF THAT GOD IS IN CONTROL.
Keeping a Humble Spirit
In this process of living with “Cancer at Christmas” I have been blessed beyond measure. Today I went to see my oncologist to go over my PET scan. I was terrified that things could have gotten worse. They didn’t!! My lymph nodes are still small and one of my lymph nodes has shrunk and I haven’t started chemo yet. Not only that but my cancer is basically in one spot almost as if it is contained in a cage in my bone marrow. I was able to get my chemo scheduled for December 29 and I couldn’t be happier. I’m keeping a humble spirit about myself but also bragging about the miracles and blessings that God has done.
It CAN BE DONE
My life has taken me by surprise this year. I suppose that life shouldn’t just be a laid out plan that we decide because it can change in the blink of an eye. I’ve learned to just say that God had this under control and I need to give it up to him. Allowing myself to give my pain and worry, it has allowed me to replace those feelings with joy. I’ve been blessed to see The Blessing in a Rainstorm and the amazing work that God has done. I’m choosing to remain strong in my faith and when I see a blessing happen I can say, “That’s God.”
