Confession: For Much of My Life I Wasn’t Happy

Then I made it a choice.

I have a confession. It wasn’t always my nature to be happy. Somewhere early in my childhood, I lost it.

It feels like a really odd thing to say for someone who coaches others and writes about mindset, happiness, and general life enrichment.

I wasn’t always happy. I didn’t even know how to be happy. But that’s changed.

I’m going out on a limb to open up and share a bit of my story with you, so you’ll know you’re not the only one.

I didn’t want to admit I wasn’t happy.

It’s possible I didn’t even recognize I wasn’t happy. When you’ve been in the same state for most your life, it just feels normal.

Grouchy, angry, bored, unsettled…those feelings were constant companions, so they felt normal.

One day, someone asked me if I was happy, and that time it really hit me. I didn’t think I could say “yes”.

At the same time, I didn’t want to admit I wasn’t happy. It’s like admitting you hate puppies. What sort of horrible person does that?

I’m half joking with that last thought, but to a degree, admitting I wasn’t happy made me feel like a failure. Life was pretty good, so there were no actual reasons for me to be unhappy, I just felt that way on the inside.

That left me feeling even worse. Generally unhappy, and on top of that, a failure for not being able to do something as easy as being happy.

I felt broken.

You’re not broken, screwed up, or lacking in anything.

You might not believe that right now, but please trust me.

I know when I wasn’t happy, I sure felt like tons of things were broken, screwed up, and lacking.

Sometimes I felt that way on the inside. What was wrong with me?

Other times I turned that broken feeling outward. Nothing was right. Everything needed to be fixed. Everyone else was a pain. That would leave me feeling angry and resentful.