Decisions And Regrets
When we have no choice, we don’t have to decide, and in fact, one less problem. What if we have more than one choice?
Although having many choices on a subject is a chance, it also introduces problems related to decision-making.
The thousands of methods presented to us are often not the shortest path that leads us to a good decision. If there are those among you who have clarified their methods and put them into practice, they are fortunate!
Also, the hardest part is not choosing which path to follow. The hardest part is regretting and blaming ourselves for not choosing the other path when we encounter difficulties while walking on the chosen.
Without knowing what we might have encountered if we had tried the other, by believing that it was more suitable for us, we may drag ourselves into greater sorrows… Especially when our decisions result in unsuccessful ways at the end of the day…
Recently, I have come across people who have experienced this at least once in their lives, especially with big decisions. A friend, despite receiving a very good research scholarship, was upset because she thought that the other scholarship option, she had rejected was much better for her because of some difficulties she had experienced during the current study process.
I experienced these feelings for the first time when I was seventeen. After the university exam, while I was waiting for the results, I received a letter from the military inviting me to their exams. I decided to take those exams because I was curious and because I saw it as an alternative in any case.
The exam was taking four weeks, and it was going well. In the middle, I received the result that I had been accepted to the university. Even though I started to enjoy that military exam experience, I decided to go to university.
However, some difficulties I experienced as soon as I started university made me think that the other option, I had not chosen would be much better for me. Although I had stayed on the military campus for a short time and had experienced a very limited part of that life, I was completing all the details in my imagination and believed that it would have been much better for me if I had chosen to stay there. For a year, I experienced guilt, regret, and sadness that I now have difficulty believing.
Somehow one night, my young sleepless mind was convinced that there was no going back and that I had to let go of this sadness, and from that point on, I never questioned my decision.
No matter which of the options we decide on, we will encounter difficulties on the path we choose. The other option, which we can imagine as we wish, becomes much more valuable and perfect in the world of imagination. A subtle mourning that we are not aware of, stemming from the loss of other experiences from real life, can also cause us to remain stuck in that disappeared option.
At the first major difficulty on the path we choose, we are drawn to the one we did not choose and feel safe and happy in its fictional reality. Our steps slow down. However, this may steal the energy we could be dedicating to the problems we need to solve and the obstacles we need to overcome.
It would be very wise to say, “Let’s put all this sadness, regret, and self-blame aside and get on with life.” But is there anyone who can get out of this situation by thinking like this?
Is it possible to reduce the compelling effects of decisions?
Our decisions cannot be independent of the conditions, backgrounds and moods we are in. Another determining factor is also how we are connected emotionally to the topic. We cannot be fully aware of these while we are in them, and later we partially or completely forget the conditions.
If possible, not rushing the moment of decision, waiting for the storms inside and outside to calm down can make our life much easier, especially for the period after the decision.
In the meantime, writing the options on a blank page, writing down what each one will bring, what it will take away, and what comes to our minds under the titles of my strengths and weaknesses that will come into play in that option, would be great to create a reference that we can look back on in the future.
When we look back, every decision we made may seem wrong, but being able to see what was prioritized and right at that moment we made the decision allows us to understand our reasons and ourselves better.
If time passes and we are happy with our decision, it is great! If we feel stuck on the way, we can see more clearly what we need to learn from the causes of our own.
