Our feelings begin with a thought, that thought becomes an emotion, that emotion turns into action. As a passionate Gemini, my emotions can run the show some days. Many passionate people like myself feel deeply. In fact, we feel so deeply that we pretend to be emotionless. We put up this front that emotions are for the weak meanwhile we will hysterically cry in isolation. Throughout my life, I have been told I am either super happy or super pissed off, there is no in-between. I used to take the pride in that statement. I used it as a “Don’t mess with me” complex. As I grew older though, I realized letting my emotions control my actions and outlook on life was not healthy.
In the past, when someone upset me I would lash out. I would verbally destroy them in an outburst. I would then hold a grudge for days. The reason I did this was to have control over how people treat me. If I lash out when they upset me, they will not do it again. I wanted people to think “I should never get on her bad side.” However, that action made me unapproachable and people felt like they were walking on eggshells around me. I would wallow in anger, how dare someone to mistreat me! I used aggression as a shield of pain and vulnerability. I would waste days being angry at someone, even after they apologized because I liked the feeling. I wanted them to feel bad for hurting me. What good does that do?
To work through anger here is what I do,
- Communicate my pain. “ I feel angry about you canceling last minute because we had this planned for weeks.” Have a conversation of understanding with that someone.
- Journal my anger out of my body. Write for 5–10 minutes about what made you angry and have the energy release from your body.
- Move my body. I either work out, go for a walk, or ride my bike.
- Pick your battles. Sometimes people are going to say and do stupid things that are going to anger you. If it's not going to matter in 5 years don’t waste more than 5 minutes being angry about it.
- MOVE FORWARD. Do not stay mad especially if that person apologized sincerely. People are going to make mistakes and hurt you unintentionally.
I have realized I have high expectations of myself and other people so, when people fail those fake expectations it angers me. I think, “I would never do that to them how dare they do it to me!” Here’s the reality though, it's not people’s responsibility to live up to your expectations. If someone is truly meant to be in your inner circle, they never mean to actually hurt you. Explain your anger and go from there.
If something or someone at your job frustrates you, there are a few options to work through that emotion. You can again talk to your co-workers or you can do what I mainly do which is work amnesia. I immediately forget my workday on my commute home. Your job is not your life. Do not bring your anger home and lash out at your family. Of course, if something incredibly serious happened at work notify your supervisor. If it’s your typical annoyance look below,
On your commute home:
A.You can listen to a calming podcast or playlist.
B.You can read or listen to an audiobook.
C. If you want to talk about it, call a close friend or family member and vent about it. If you want advice from that person ask them for it. Or you can tell them you just need to vent and have them listen.
D. If your commute allows you, watch your favorite show or movie.
When feeling nervous or anxious, people usually isolate themselves. Holding in those anxious feelings though can take a toll on your body. When I am trapped in this strong emotion I try these coping behaviors,
A. I speak to my therapist OR a close friend or family member.
B. I read a self-development book.
C. Again I move my body in some way.
D. I TRY to meditate using my FitOn app. (Highly Recommend)
E. I play a happy playlist and sing along
F: Use your creative outlet. Mine is writing. You can color, play an instrument, sing, dance, paint, create content, etc.
Some days my anxiety puts me in an alternate state of reality but, I can make a choice. It’s all about your inner dialogue. As states before, your thoughts create your emotions.
Practice Words of affirmation,
- I am strong
- I can handle anything
- I know what I’m doing
- I have a great work ethic
- I am s supportive person
- I am in control of my perspective
When you are feeling sad. LET IT OUT! CRY! It's not weak to cry, it's your body releasing that pain, let it. Put on a sad music playlist and surrender to the sadness. You will feel better trust me.
Now, after you have cried it out, you need some next steps.
- Why were you so upset?
- What lesson are you learning?
- If a person made you cry, do they add more positivity or negativity to your life?
- Remember things happen FOR you, not TO you. Sometimes you need to have faith in the universe that things will be better.
- Talk to someone.
- Have a conversation with the person who upset you.
- Look for a new opportunity that can come out of it.
Every day you wake up, it’s a blessing. I know some days are going to tear apart your soul and you’ll think “How will I ever get through this?” out of anger, anxiety, or sadness. Just know you will you need to keep moving forward and that means moving through your emotions. Do not have them control your life. I personally have lived through that and it has done more harm than good. I have lost people because of it, people that meant a lot to me. You have a choice, even when it feels like nothing you do will matter. Keep the faith. Forgive people, share yourself, make connections, and work hard. The universe sees you.
“You own your feelings. You own your thoughts. You control both. No one has the right to any of it — to any of you without your permission.”
― Carlos Wallace, The Other 99 T.Y.M.E.S: Train Your Mind to Enjoy Serenity