Do You Love Them, or the Unconscious Game?

Photograph by Juan Pablo Serrano Arenas on Pexels

One thing that continues to interest me, and something I am always eager to chat about is how we can become so attached to individuals who aren’t treating us well or are otherwise unavailable.

Be it a situation where we’ve been ghosted, one where we’ve dated someone for a while before being rejected, or one where we never dated them in the first place. Whatever the scenario, we know deep down we shouldn’t be hanging on, and yet we’re stuck.

This differs from secure or “healthier” dynamics in that these dynamics are inherently toxic and cause significant disruptions to our mental and physical health. For example:

• You may lose interest in other hobbies as winning their approval and being chosen becomes your single-goal. You may distance yourself from friends, and other important projects.
• You may find yourself emotionally tied to the other person’s moods and behaviours. If you suspect things are going well you feel amazing, but your mood plummets when rejection is suspected.
• You may pine after them despite clear red flags, unable to break free through your rose-tinted glasses.
• You have limiting beliefs around a need to prove yourself, their superiority over you, and how great things would be if only they chose you.