PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT & MENTAL HEALTH
Narrating Your Story of Healing and Growth
Why your personal story doesn’t need a lesson, a hero or an audience
It’s true: We love a good, inspirational success story. Over the decades, narrative theories of film and literature have given us prescriptive formulas for what every classic success story should consist of. A hero who conquers all, a villain, a princess, an equilibrium and a disequilibrium, a happy ending, etc. And we almost fetishise such inspirational or structured storylines when it comes to our own lives. But this is BS, and we need to manage our expectations. We don’t need to make our personal stories, particularly those of healing and trauma, ready for print or publication.
Over 50 percent of us will experience at least one traumatic event in our lifetime. It’s quite realistic to expect that this global pandemic will have some lasting effect on a lion’s share of the earth’s population. And how we reacted to the unprecedented chaos may well play on our minds too: from constant fidgeting, restlessness, sleeping disturbances, binging on Tiger King. We might look back on this year and subject ourselves to some kind of Judgement Day, asking questions like: Did I do enough? Did I make the right choices? Could I have done more?
If we listened to and respected what our bodies needed at that point in time — whether they were advocating fight, flight or freeze — we should never question that we did what was best for us. Always let your body’s reaction guide your action. If you ever find yourself judging yourself for what you’ve been doing over these past months, needing to justify how you’ve spent your time, or if you come under scrutiny from others, tell yourself the following things that I’ve learnt these past few months.
1. Don’t give your trauma some enhanced meaning.
Don’t glamourise your own narrative by forcing yourself into the role of the doer, the thriver, the strong and admirable fighter. You’re a hero, no matter how you deal with your trauma, even if you need to backtrack and retreat to a safe space until you’re feeling better.
The moment I realised I had to stop making my journey of growth and healing about my audience and focus more on myself, I stopped feeling pressure to perform and seeking validation for my ego. I knew I didn’t have to be an inspiration to anyone but myself.
2. Healing doesn’t have a timeline.
Ground yourself and your expectations; it’s about pace, not about the race. Healing is an impressive journey in itself, and stamina is going to get you a lot further. At some point I had to stop caring about how long it was taking me to feel better; I had to know I was on the right path to getting better.
Post-traumatic growth is realistically sometimes just about patience and pain and being present. There may be progress, but it’s not guaranteed. There’s a lot of going back and forth. But you owe nobody any explanation; you don’t need to defend your progress or justify decisions that make sense to you. Prioritise yourself.
3. You can be a work in progress AND a work of art.
When I was really bad, when my PTSD symptoms were really bad, I had so many terrifying symptoms; I had no rationality. I didn’t know what was happening to me. I thought I could be dying. Today, I still struggle to fall asleep, and I still experience some jaw pain from tensing up whilst I sleep, but retreating to my safe place remedied a lot of the other symptoms. I celebrate each little victory, each workout, each time I wake up without a painful jaw.
Just remember, the day you plant your seed is not the day you eat the fruit. Have pride that you have put yourself on the right path: the path of healing. Work on yourself, love yourself. See a therapist. Recognise that you are doing enough. Remind yourself of your small breakthroughs and celebrate the f*** out of them.
‘A history of trauma trains you to always be ready to shut down and step back. Many don’t realise the work you put in to step forward and stay present.’ — Dr. Thema
Like a moth to a flame
We’re drawn to success stories like a moth to a flame. But healing isn’t linear; it’s not a story. It doesn’t have a definitive start, middle and end. But that doesn’t mean you can’t have your happy ending.
Just don’t push your body to do things it doesn’t want to do. Listen to it, respect it. Let it do the talking. The quicker you learn this, the less you are prolonging the pain. Resilience and fighting spirit is great, but sometimes patience and pace will be the weapon of choice. Fight, flight or freeze: your body will tell you how to react: it’s more intuitive than you know.
Finally, remember: You’re incredible, your story is incredible, and you don’t need anyone else to confirm that. Don’t be disappointed if you’re not the hero that conquers all. Don’t be disappointed if your equilibrium or happy ending isn’t in sight in the near future. Just be present and in the moment. Celebrate each and every breakthrough along your healing journey. Don’t will your recovery forward. It will happen at its own pace, your body’s pace.
If you want to indulge in positive thinking, watch some of the content from the Never Alone Summit on YouTube. I think @dr.thema’ s Instagram posts shed a realistic light on the process of healing from trauma, and I’m about to start listening to her podcasts. I know it’s a personal topic, but I’d appreciate if you let me know what you thought about my article by leaving a comment below.
… Or maybe, you’d be interested in reading some more of my articles on self-development and growth.
