Finding Peace When Your Inner and Outer World Feels Chaotic
This morning I had an epiphany of sorts reflecting back on my recent mindset and bad moods.
I’ve felt a little jaded, bitter, and subsequently uncaring towards myself.
I’ve felt angry and hopeless towards the world as I’ve continued to take notice of the ongoing wars and all the injustices occurring. What can I do? How can I be of service? How can I try and be happy when the picture painted of the outside world is so bleak?
When it comes to my own life, I’ve been frustrated with my growth. Angry that I haven’t seen the change I want and regretful for the pain I’ve inflicted on myself and on others. It’s made me think, “Why bother?”.
Why bother tending to the wounds I have from my last relationship, when I’ll probably make progress just to unwind again? A cycle I feel that I’m destined to repeat. Why connect with someone again just to lose them? Why try and love when it comes with so much challenge? Maybe I should let it go, and be hyper-independent, where I can retain some level of control.
Beneath these volatile emotions however there is a deep sadness. I feel it when I have a quiet moment — which is exactly why I try to avoid them. Maybe if I play my music loud enough or fill my days front to back I don’t have to feel those things. I don’t…
