How to Choose Joy Over Happiness
And why you should.
Because of the recent pandemic, life’s uncertainty and death’s eventuality have come into crisp focus for many of us. You don’t want to be lying on your deathbed realizing your life has been in pursuit of happiness as if it’s this distant unattainable goal that you hope to reach someday. Continuous pursuit is hardly an accomplishment.
This world pummels into our brains that our surroundings — and even our bodies — need to be a certain way in order for us to be happy. It’s as if happiness is dependent upon whether you have the latest gadget in your personal arsenal, whether or not your home can be featured in a magazine, or whether your face has wrinkles or not. And the worst part is that when you obtain the gadget, or item, or look you most desire, your mind immediately fixates on the next thing that will improve your life and bring you closer to happiness.
This counterintuitive thought cycle is completely unreasonable. When you’re fixated on the destination of happiness it’s easy to miss out on the joys of the journey.
“Joy is much bigger than happiness. While happiness is often seen as being dependent on external circumstances, joy is not.” — Desmond Tutu, anti-apartheid and human rights activist
Choose Joy Over Happiness
Happiness exists as an ambiguous promise that we cannot deliver on because it only resides somewhere in the future. Whereas joy is experienced in the present moment.
If we dismiss the idea that happiness is the answer to our life’s problems — or often our boredom — we open ourselves to the opportunity for joy. Decide you want more moments of joy on a daily basis rather than the unachievable happiness sometime in your future.
Smile Often
Smiling brings us joy and keeps us in the present. Whether it’s on your own face or someone else’s, a smile has a contagious quality about it. Scientists call it facial mimicry and it has been linked to influencing emotions in others as well as in yourself.
There is definitely a mind-body connection. So when you find yourself to be swallowed up by the negativity of overwhelm or frustration, force yourself to smile. Then force yourself to feel that smile. Reflect on where the joy is in that moment.
This is a simple habit to practice, but not always an easy one to do. Good habits can be as difficult to create as bad habits are to break. But smiling helps shift your mood when necessary. It helps you feel joy more often.
Resist Boredom
The opposite of ‘happiness’ is not ‘unhappiness.’ Dictionary.com defines ‘unhappiness’ as feeling sad, miserable, or wretched. But being unhappy doesn’t necessarily mean we’re feeling this way. Sometimes when we’re not happy, we’re simply feeling complacent or even bored.
“The opposite of love is indifference, and the opposite of happiness is boredom.” — Timothy Ferriss, The 4-Hour Workweek
Complacency and boredom — as well as happiness — are states of being. As soon as we choose not to recognize and experience joy, we are lost to one of these states of inactivity.
Show Some Compassion
Helping others is an easy way to feel joy. Being able to empathize with others promotes understanding and acceptance while encouraging kindness. It feels good to do something nice for someone else.
Judgment cannot exist in the practice of compassion and empathy for others. Ridding yourself of the habits of gossip and judging others — as well as yourself in comparison — decreases those negative feelings that prohibit you from experiencing joy.
Be Grateful
It’s easy to take things — and people — for granted. But rather than disregard the every day, ever-present things or people in our lives, why not ask yourself why you’re grateful they’re there?
“The discipline of gratitude is the explicit effort to acknowledge that all I am and have is given to me as a gift of love, a gift to be celebrated with joy.” — Henri Nouwen, writer of spirituality, psychology, religion, and social justice
Gratitude creates joy by producing a feeling of contentment. When you’re content with the things and people in your life, you have the opportunity to recognize the joy that is right there in front of you.
Step Back and Get Perspective
If frustration, uncertainty, or anger are keeping you from joy, allow yourself the grace needed to look at your life — or your immediate situation — from a different viewpoint. Perspective allows joy to supersede negative feelings. Sometimes anxiety can pull you down the rabbit hole of overwhelm. This is when you need to remind yourself of the larger picture. It’s easy to get lost in your little bubble of a world.
When you compare your ‘problems’ with those of others, perspective shows you the truth you need to see. There are much bigger dilemmas out there. Many people have it tremendously worse than you or I do. And although you know this, it’s important to remind yourself from time to time in order to pry yourself out of that self-indulgent rabbit hole. Perspective helps you let go of your trouble and look for the joy available to you instead.
Feeling Joy Is Possible Right Now
Happiness and joy are two words commonly interchanged, but the difference between them is significant. Happiness lends itself to speaking of the future or the ‘someday.’ Joy describes an emotion that you feel — it’s much more descriptive of the present.
Obsessing over happiness can cause emotional overwhelm and anxiety. It’s better to direct your attention to joy. Commit to feeling joy every single day as often as you possibly can. Achieving happiness is elusive. But feeling joy is possible right now and for every moment forward.
