Life is hard. No doubt about it. And extremely hard when you experience losses in your endeavors.
And how you deal with your losses makes you thrive or struggle in the long run.
I do not know you. But am convinced you have experienced some losses in your life, and you know how it feels.
So let me ask, how did you deal with your loss the last time?
How tough was it for you to cope with it?
What method did you use to come out of it?
Is the conventional way of sobbing and thinking all is over for you and never making anything out of the loss or the unconventional way of finding courage and analyzing the situation and recognizing where you were at fault and learning from it and using it for your good?
If you fell within the second, which is “the unconventional,” then you’re right. Kudos!
But if you didn’t, and you’re in “the conventional way,” then stick to the end as I take you through how you can deal with losses and become a winner in the future.
Before we look at the picture, let’s deliberate a little on losses as far as this life is concerned.
The truth about losses
In the last article I wrote on failure, Real Truths About Failure You Must Understand to Succeed in This Life, I spoke about the fact that we’re living in a world of polarity where there’s a duality of everything.
Therefore, just as there’s a success, there’s a failure. There are happiness and sadness, cold and hot, etc. And as there’s a win, there’s loose.
So if you go after something and it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t mean the world is against you. It merely means it isn’t the right time and the right hour to win.
It could also mean that perhaps, what you were supposed to do to win, you didn’t get it right, and as everything works under principles in the universe, not getting things right, you have to lose.
But there’s also another side to lose. Sometimes, it happens to take you to the next level of your life that you didn’t envision. It also opens you up to a new world of creativity and helps you understand and get insight into things.
If attached with the right perception, Losing takes you to a new life level and makes you thrive and become better than you were.
Because you learn from your mistakes and make the right decisions, you become better thereof and win.
The psychology of dealing with losses
In order not to be broken by losing, it takes the right mindset to overcome.
To prevail from your losses, you must understand that it’s part of reality, and everyone is bound to lose.
And when you lose, it doesn’t mean the world is over for you. Instead, it’s the beginning of a new face for you in life and what you do, and you mustn’t let it drown you psychologically and emotionally. It would be best if you took it as the universe trying to point you in a new direction in life, and the loss means there’s more that you’ve to do.
So whenever you lose going after anything, accept it in good faith, and know the loss hasn’t come to break you but reveal you to yourself.
Telling you this, I know it isn’t just easy putting this into practice and using this mindset to face your losses. Because sometimes, I too, the moment I experience some losses in my life, I find it difficult to accept it instantly. But as it’s difficult, I don’t allow the failure to break me. I always come back to myself and do the needful. Which is applying what I’m telling you here. And you can put it into practice, too, no matter how difficult it is.
How to deal with losses
“Pain + reflection = progress”. — Ray Dalio,principles
To deal with losses and deal with them very well, you must understand that perception is everything.
In fact, in his book, The obstacle is the way, Ryan Holiday talks about perception as the main component in dealing with crises. That, by the perception we attach to our predicament, our reality shapes.
So, first, you want to attach the right opinion to the loss and understand that it hasn’t come to break you.
You also want to recognize that you’re in control instead of the loss. And analyze it and understand why it happened? What you did wrong? Why couldn’t you realize the mistake that led to the loss? What could have been right that you didn’t do? And accept the responsibility for it.
After going through all these questions and finding out, you want to seek correct answers to avoid a recurrence.
And you could use questions like; So, what’s the lesson in this? How could I use it? What do I do to avoid it happening again? Whose help or what resources would I need to reverse it? How am I going to go about changing it? Etc.
Asking these questions, you’re making use of your creative mind, and as you do, creative answers will come to you to help you deal with the loss amicably.
Often by our conditioning, whenever we experience a loss in our lives, we think of it as taboo. We, therefore, tend to cringe and make the assumption that we’re finished. By that, we sober and put ourselves into the dead zone of “I'm finished,” “why did this happen to me,” “why this time,” demoralizing ourselves by it. It shatters our creative sense, making us powerless over the problems and the losses.
But from this day on, you have to change your mentality. You need to know that you’re powerful and can deal with everything that life throws your way. By that, you’ll become unstoppable and unshaken going forward with life.
Everybody experiences losses in life. But above all, how you face it is what makes you successful or failure in the end as William Shakespeare put it;
“Sweet are the uses of adversity which, like the toad, ugly and venomous, wears yet a precious jewel in his head.”
I want to leave you with the meaning of “crisis” in the Chinese language, which means two things; opportunity or danger.
And by reflecting on it, I hope you’ll understand that just as the word comes with two meanings, whenever you lose at something or experience a loss, it also means the same — opportunity or danger. And you’ll choose the opportunity instead of the danger and use it to your advantage.
Losses, as we see and understand it, aren’t bad like we perceive it to be, and if you can make use of it whenever you experience one, you’ll become better and stronger than you ever think you could be.