How to Deal with the Empty Nest Syndrome
It's terrifying, but it doesn't have to be.
You probably think this article is strange. If you're a middle-aged adult, why would you take advice from a teen? Advice usually goes the other way, doesn't it?
Well, sometimes, Gen-Z can help adults navigate challenging roads like parenting. The Empty Nest Syndrome, especially, is agonising for parents and their children.
Why is it so bad for children, you ask? Children may be anxious and afraid to move out for fear of their parents being unable to cope with their absence.
Often, pursuing your biggest dream requires you to get out of your nest, and you shouldn't have to choose between your ambitions and the well-being of your loved ones. The Empty Nest Syndrome puts us children in a tough spot.
So let's jump right in.
The Empty Nest Syndrome refers to the grief, anxiety and loneliness parents experience when their children grow up and move out. Most parents are highly invested in their child's lives — from their first tooth to their whirlwind adolescent years.
It feels like yesterday when they were a newborn, and now they're all big and grown-up and ready to move out while parents are left thinking that their kids grew up too soon.
Parents who experience the Empty Nest Syndrome ("empty nesters") may feel lonely and experience a lack of purpose in life. This may be further problematic in women because they often spend more time with children and are often the primary caregivers.
Their lives may have revolved around their little ones, and suddenly there was nothing to do anymore.
Here are some ways I think parents can deal with the Empty Nest Syndrome.
Note: This is not professional/medical advice. The following tips are merely from casual first- and secondhand observation. If the Syndrome persists over a long period and severely affects the quality of your life, it would be best to consult a professional.
#1. As young parents, remember that your child won't be with you forever.
Yes, you love them; yes, they're your life, but they will leave. Cherish the time you spend together and give them all your love, but realise that you cannot expect them to be with you forever.
You gave birth to an individual human being, and they must chart their own path in life.
#2. Don't blame yourself.
You were not a push factor in their leaving. There was another pull factor.
#3. Have a thriving social life, too.
As a parent, you may feel like prioritising your children above all else. And that's great. But you must realise that you also need a network of your own— colleagues, neighbours, extended family, and friends.
When your kid is little, this network will provide occasional respite from the perpetual "Where's my other sock?" When they're older, your friends will support you when you're lonely.
An active social life also offers many benefits for your happiness, health and longevity.
#4. Make good use of all the time on your hands.
Most parents would probably report not having enough time for themselves, their hobbies and passions. When your kids leave home, that may very well change.
Use this time for YOU — take that MOOC you've been eyeing, and join that yoga class already. Perhaps start a side hustle — to keep you busy and earn some extra bucks while you're at it.
The possibilities are endless. Your children occupied your life for years. Now you can refocus on yourself and your health.
#5. Rekindle your relationship with your partner.
Sure, you got married decades ago, and your love isn't young anymore. After so long of living together, you've probably gotten so used to each other that you take your spouse for granted.
But maybe that can change. Realise that your spouse is going through a tough time, just like you, and be there to support them.
Express your love and gratitude towards your partner and help them when they feel low.
As parents, the Empty Nest Syndrome is something you need to get through together.
#6. Remind yourself that it is okay to feel sad.
Sure, my whole list is trying to help you not feel sad, but it is also essential to remind yourself that it is okay to feel down.
It is only natural to miss your child. You don't have to experience shame or guilt because you haven't coped as well as other parents.
Give yourself time. Grief is a perfectly acceptable emotion.
If you're reading this and thinking, "Whoa, my parents need to read this article, " here's something for you too.
#1. Don't blame yourself.
Yep, you too.
"If only I'd never run behind that university, I'd never have had to make my parents suffer."
It is okay to chase your dreams. Your relationship with your parents shouldn't have to change because you're physically apart.
#2. Remind your parents that you didn't leave because of them.
You fall into one of two groups: either you understand the above statement or think it's ridiculous that parents would blame themselves when their child moves away.
But in my experience, it is possible for parents to self-blame. If only they'd given you more freedom or hadn't nagged you so much, maybe you'd stayed back.
Remind your parents that you're leaving because you're running TOWARDS something — that university, your dream job, or some enriching experience, not FROM your parents.
#3. Talk to your parents often.
You may have a poor day and want to avoid social interaction. You may be angry and unwittingly make them the target of your fury.
Please, don't do that. Words can sting. Your parents probably spent the entire day looking forward to hearing your voice. Make them feel valued and loved.
#4. Visit often.
Cliche, I know. But you never know how much time you have left with your parents in this world.
#5. Take care of yourself.
If you came home one day and your Mom saw you with sunken eyes and a body that showed signs of drastic weight loss, she would worry more, not less. Take care of yourself → Take care of your health → Take care of her.
That's all for now. If this article helped you and your parents/children even a teensy bit, I'd be elated.
