How to Increase Marital Satisfaction in Just 1 Week
“Marriage, in its truest sense, is a partnership of equals” — Gordon B. Hinckley
It can be easy to get bogged down by constant irritations and complications in marriage.
In fact, sometimes relationships can feel so frustrating that it’s hard to see things improving!
In psychology, this is called operant conditioning — when people's thoughts, feelings, and actions play on repeat in a certain circumstance (aka — their marriage) giving the illusion that they’re stuck and can’t change things.
Some people go as far as to say your operant conditioning removes free will. That your brain runs solely on patterns and programs, and that free will is an illusion.
But you know that is a lie.
You know that you write the programs, and you can re-write those programs at will.
You’ve done this before, and you can do it again. You simply have to break the old pattern of behavior and introduce a new pattern within yourself.
Here are 7 ways in 7 days to break that pattern!
Day 1: Uninterrupted Conversation (10 Minutes)
“The way we communicate with others and with ourselves ultimately determines the quality of our lives.” — Tony Robbins.
Many of your conversations with your spouse are riddled with constant interruptions — it can feel like a never-ending game of Whac-A-Mole.
Your kids ask ill-timed questions or need your help, your phone bombards you with constant distractions, and you’re multitasking to stay on top of that to-do list. Let’s break that cycle!
Put down the phone or put it on airplane mode, the Instagram feed will survive.
Bribe your kids with a cartoon, and ignore that to-do list!
Voila! You’re all ears.
Focus on being present. Give your spouse the spotlight — instead of thinking about what you should say or how you should feel, focus on them and get curious! Ask good questions and listen, try to learn something new.
Day 2: Gratitude Text (5 Minutes)
“The greatest source of happiness is the ability to be grateful at all times.”
– Zig Ziglar
Imagine that your spouse is a superhero. Ask yourself, how are they currently being a hero to me?
It could be simple, like their ability to always find your keys without judging you — even though you have a perfectly good key holder 😂.
Or, it could be something bigger, like the fact that they take your breath away every time they walk into the room.
Then, write a quick text, slap on some emoji’s, and click send!
Just like that, both of you have added a brief moment of magic to your day.
Day 3: Surprise Gesture (15 Minutes)
“Surprise is the greatest gift which life can grant us.” — Boris Pasternak
The Taoist concept of Yin Yang teaches us to find the beauty in life’s seeming contradictions. And marriage is full of those beautiful contradictions.
Psychology shows that while good relationships are built on stability and predictability, they also need spontaneity and compulsiveness!
So get mischievous and awaken that inner mad scientist! It’s about catching your spouse off guard — men, that might mean buying her tickets to that thing she loves even if it’s not her birthday!
Remember stability builds love, and spontaneity builds passion.
So whip up some breakfast-in-bed, drop a steamy love note, or call a babysitter and take them on an unexpected night out.
You’ve got this!
Day 4: Tech-Free Time (30 Minutes)
“Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.” — Buddha
In Willpower Doesn’t Work, Dr. Benjamin Hardy writes about decision fatigue — a psychological principle that states that as the day goes on your willpower goes down.
That means that as the day goes on, your emotional fuse gets shorter and shorter, making it harder for you to enjoy your loved ones.
One way to combat this is by setting aside some tech-free time. Imagine hopping in a time machine and setting the dial to 1990's.
Step away from doom scrolling, turn off the wifi, and pull out that old denim jacket! It’s time for jeans on jeans.
Cook an old recipe, go exploring outside, or chat like it’s 1999.
Just enjoy the time together and see where it takes you.
Day 5: Read a book together (15 Minutes)
“An hour spent reading is one stolen from paradise.” — Thomas Wharton
Remember when story time was your favorite time of the day?
Guess what? It still is!
Time for a book, a blanket, a warm tasty drink.
Snuggle up, and listen to each other’s voices as you read.
You could pick something funny, thrilling, or totally weird to read. The best part? There’s no quiz when you’re done!
Be fully present, and let your imagination do the work.
Day 6: Dream Building (15 Minutes)
“Those who don’t believe in magic will never find it.” — Roald Dahl
Dan Sullivan, one of the world’s top entrepreneurial coaches, has this gem of advice: always make your future bigger than your past.
This philosophy applies to your marriage, and means that your best years as a couple are yet to come.
If you’re feeling skeptical, remember this reassuring fact: studies show that the quality of marital intimacy tends to increase as we age — So you’ve got that to look forward to!
So, let your imagination take the wheel and dream a little. Go crazy, and get excited about big, impossible couple goals. We declare a strict “no naysayers” policy here.
Take 15 minutes and share your dreams.
Who knows, maybe what may seem like a lofty goal for you may be within reach for your partner. Sharing your dreams can give you greater self-confidence and excitement for your future.
Day 7: Future Vision (10 Minutes)
“Where there is no vision, the people perish.” — Proverbs 29:18
When we work with couples, they’re often surprised that their visions are more aligned than they realized.
Imagine yourself sitting with your spouse three years from now, and you’re looking back over those years.
What would have to have happened for you to feel completely satisfied?
Paint a picture, write it down, and share it with your spouse.
You may find that your happy-ever-after is closer than you think.
Conclusion
“Take massive action. Too many people wait until they have all the answers.” — Tony Robbins
Sadly, most people feel trapped in their relationships, unable to break the cycle of frustrations and negative interactions.
But you hold the power to break free from those patterns and reshape your marriage into something extraordinary.
You can break out of patterns in your thoughts, emotions, and actions — rewriting those programs to revitalize your marriage.
You’ve done this before, and you can do it again. It’s about challenging your perception and creating change from within.
It simply requires you to break the pattern and move forward with faith in the future.
You’ve got this.
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