LIFE HACKS
How to Stop Your “If only…” Regrets (Backed by Science)
And most people don’t even know about this
Note: If you are not a Medium member, you can read the entire story here
Has this ever happened to you?
You’re driving fast and suddenly you see flashing lights. Bummer.
A cop pulls you over and gives you a ticket. Paying it will cost you hundreds of dollars.
And as you pull back into traffic, what are you thinking?
If only I’d slowed down, I wouldn’t have gotten a ticket. If only I’d slowed down, I wouldn’t have gotten a ticket….
You can’t stop thinking about it, and you have a bad day.
Fortunately, there’s a way to stop this.
The solution: find a positive message
Saying If only… is poisonous. Saying this over and over is not your fault, it’s just that your brain is wired to be bothered by the negative. You’re in a tight loop and it’s hard to stop.
The best thing you can do is to substitute If only… with At least…:
At least I didn’t get in an accident.
At least it’s a beautiful day and I feel good.
At least I can remember to drive slower in the future.
Repeating this sentence whenever you’re about to say If only… entirely changes what goes on in your head.
Why does this work?
It creates a new story
Saying At least… interrupts the tight loop of negativity, which gives you a moment to choose something else. (This interruption is useful in many situations, including anger management).
At least… replaces a negative story with a positive one. Once the brain has accepted the positive story, it has no need to keep repeating it. Again, this is just how the brain works.
It’s worth it
Which of these will make your day better?
If only I’d slowed down, I wouldn’t have gotten a ticket (repeating, repeating, repeating…).
versus:
At least I didn’t get in an accident (repeats several times, then stops).
Replacing an If only… message with an At least… one changes your brain, in a good way. Try it today.
