How to Tame a Drunk Monkey
A guide to make peace with your inner voice
It’s 2 o’clock in the morning.
It has been half an hour since you went to bed, but you still can’t sleep because your inner voice won’t just shut up.
Does it sound familiar?
Whenever you want to sit in silence, have some peace and quiet, your inner voice screams the loudest it can.
It is constantly thinking about others’ opinions of you, remembering an embarrassing memory from the past, worrying about what will the future bring?
Why doesn’t it just shut up once?
We all have this problem to some degree. So, you are not alone here. And this is not our fault. It is all the drunk monkey’s fault that living inside our minds.
Monkey Mind
Imagine the human mind as drunk money.
It is always jumping from one branch to another, non-stop chattering and screeching, just an untamed animal going wild every waking moment of the day. This is what Buddhists call the monkey mind.
If this monkey were screaming happy thoughts, we wouldn’t have any problem with it. We would live happily ever after.
However, it is not the case at all. The monkey mind is often anxious, worried, afraid.
It goes to the past, thinks about the mistake we did. It goes to the future and envisions every little thing that might go wrong. It thinks about what other people’s opinions about us.
It focuses mostly on negative thoughts.
Monkey mind quickly gets distracted. It prevents you from focusing on the things you want the achieve in life. So, if you’re going to give all your attention to your goals, it starts with taming the monkey mind.
The Brain’s Default Mode Network
Scientists describe this inner chat, your own voice in your head, as the default network mode.
The DMN is a network of connected brain areas that show increased activity when a person is not focused on external goal-oriented tasks. That’s why it is sometimes referred to as the task-negative network.
The default mode network was discovered after researchers found unexpected brain activity levels in an experiment after participants finished their tasks.
What Buddhists call monkey mind, scientists call DMN.
What Does Default Mode Network Do?
The default mode network is known to be involved in many different functions:
- It is the neurological basis for the self. Thinking about the traits and descriptions of one’s self (Self-reference). How people see you, what other people’s opinions of you. Thinking about the thoughts of others and what they might or might not know. You know these thoughts. Usually starts small and it gets bigger when you focus on them. You can not know or control what other people think of you or what they know about you. But, it doesn’t stop you from thinking about them. In extreme cases, obsessed about them. In the end, this non-stop self-reference only creates self-doubt.
- Remembering the past and thinking about the future. Recalling events that happened in the past connecting these memories together and then thinking deeply about them. “Do you remember that one thing happened to you in fourth grade that you are really embarrassed about? Let’s think about it when we go to bed.”
- Envisioning events that might happen in the future. The future is uncertain and full of options. A combination of uncertainty and endless possibilities is the recipe for anxiety. There is something called The Paradox of Choice, which introduced by psychologist Barry Schwartz. He argues that having a reasonable number of options to choose for making a decision makes us happy. But, when the number of options gets bigger, rather than making people happier, it causes them stress and making them anxious. The future is full of these options. You do the math.
All of these are the things we are often worried about — the things preventing us from falling into sleep or moving forward with our life.
I know that all of the things I wrote focuses on the negative aspects of DMN. But there is also a positive outcome. A healthy DMN enables us to learn a lesson from the bad things that happened, so we come up with better ways of doing them in the future.
Self-reference is necessary for knowing ourselves, knowing what we want from life, figuring out who we are.
Dreaming about the future might encourage us to set a goal and work hard towards that goal.
It is useful when we engage in these thoughts for an appropriate amount of time, then to be able to switch off and go on doing something else. However, if the amount of time reserved to dwell on these thoughts gets longer over time, our mind can be continuously flooded with depressing and anxious thoughts.
Researchers found links between default mode network and depression, anxiety. Major depression in middle-aged adults has been repeatedly associated with increased activity within the DMN.
Attention
The default mode network shows lower levels of activity when we are engaged in a particular task. A task requires attention lowers DMN activity.
Think about a task that you have to give your utmost attention.
You just disappear into the flow of that action.
You can not think of anything else except this specific action at that moment.
You are far away from all your worries.
You are into the flow.
I might have painted a grim picture so far that you always have to get involved in some kind of activity. Otherwise, you will be lost in your thoughts and get depressed. That is not the case at all. There is an alternative.
Therapies like meditation reduce activity in the default mode network. This may be reason meditation feels us relaxed, at ease, and improves our overall well-being.
Meditation
Meditation is a way to calm the monkey mind.
The goal is not to fight or try to banish the monkey inside our minds. The trick is to tame the monkey over time. This offers relief from the constant mental chatter.
It’s useless to fight with the monkey or to try to banish it from your mind. These efforts, in the end, backfires.
We need to tame that monkey over time with meditation. Teach it how to stand still.
There is a peaceful place inside our minds, but all the monkey’s noises block it. When we tame that monkey, we will reach that calm place that was always there. We just couldn’t find it because we were distracted by that monkey.
There are a variety of different meditations techniques. I will write about mindfulness, which I consider a great way to start meditation. You can start right after reading this article. No preparation required.
Mindfulness
Jon Kabat-Zinn describes mindfulness as:
The awareness that arises from paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment and non-judgmentally.
Mindfulness meditation is the practice of paying attention to what you’re experiencing at that current moment.
You focus on the present rather than focusing all on the things happening in the world right that very moment. Instead of thinking about all the things that happened in the past and might happen in the future, you focus on the present.
Meditation practices lower activity in the default mode network (DMN) of the brain. Also, the researchers had found that meditation practice reduced the concentration of gray matter in the amygdala, a region associated with fear, anxiety, and stress. This reduction was correlated with lower stress levels. This works both ways. First, it lowers the DMN activity in the brain. Second, it lowers the stress and anxiety you might feel, which is caused by DMN.
Meditation Changes the Structure of the Brain
A team led by Harvard-affiliated researchers at Massachusetts General Hospital (MGH) did a fascinating experiment that showed us how meditation changes our brains.
A total of 16 subjects took part in an 8-week program of mindfulness meditation.
The researchers took MR images of the brain structure of participants two weeks before and after they took part in the eight-week Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Program.
The results of their study are the first to document meditation-produced changes over time in the brain’s gray matter.
The analysis of MR images found increased gray-matter density in the hippocampus, known to be important for learning and memory, and in structures associated with self-awareness, compassion, and introspection.
Participant-reported reductions in stress also were correlated with decreased gray-matter density in the amygdala, which is known to play an important role in anxiety and stress.
Britta Hölzel, first author of the paper and a research fellow at MGH and Giessen University in Germany, says:
It is fascinating to see the brain’s plasticity and that, by practicing meditation, we can play an active role in changing the brain and can increase our well-being and quality of life.
How To Start Meditating
The first time I have ever tried mindfulness meditation was at a seminar. I was clueless about what mindfulness was. The teacher guided us through a 10 minutes session.
Later at home, I tried it from the app that teacher recommended. It took me a while to finish a 10-day program and start doing it on a regular basis. So do not blame yourself if you can not stick with it right after the first try.
There is a time for everything. That time came for me much later. Take your time. Now I meditate first thing in the morning. If I miss a day or two, no problem, I just pick it up where I was.
I will write down the major parts of the mindfulness meditation I do. Bear in mind that there are a variety of meditation techniques and many types of way to mindfulness meditation. This is just the way that works for me. You can also find a lot of meditation apps. Many of them offer free trial periods, which gives you a general idea of how to meditate. Then you can choose how to pursue. You can do it your own, or you can go on with guided meditation.
It is perfectly natural for your mind the wander off during meditation, especially for someone who is new to meditation. When you find yourself wandering off, just gently bring yourself back to the moment.
I want to emphasize the word “gently” because any kind of force will make you feel frustrated, and you may quit for a short period. Just do it gently without any force.
You will wander off a lot. I wander off a lot, especially on a day that I have too much on my mind.
Think of your mind as a muscle. For a muscle to grow, you need to work on it, lift weights. After a while, it gets easier to lift the same amount of weight. The same applies to meditation. Whenever you wander off, bring your attention to the current moment. Sam Harris describes this as one bicep curl for your biceps. This will help your mind to get stronger. It will not distract easily in the future.
First thing in the morning after I get up. I find a comfortable place to sit. It is usually a cross-legged position on a pillow. My hands are on my knees.
Start with deep breaths, inhaling from the nose, exhaling from the mouth. After a couple of these. Close your eyes.
Get familiar with the space around you. Start focusing on the ground you touch. The weight of your body touching on the pillow. Then maybe a sound coming from the outside or any particular smell, any physical sensations that will bring your attention to the current moment.
It is important not to jump from one sensation to another without taking time to focus. The goal is not to focus on everything. The goal is to focus on the things that will bring your attention to the current moment. Take your time. This part usually takes 2 minutes
Then start doing a body scan. Starting from the top of the head, scan through your body all the way to your toes.
Not only scan yourself physically but emotionally as well. Is there a specific mood are you in today? Do you feel restless, or do you feel at ease? Are you tired? Do you feel energized? What is your mood today?
Remember not to judge your feelings or not to dwell on them. Just realize what you are feeling. At the same, I check my body physically. Is there anywhere I feel tight, in pain? Or is everything relaxed? This usually takes 2 minutes.
After the body scan, start focusing on your breath and counting them. Staring 1 with the inhale, then the exhale is 2. Counting till ten and starting over. If you go on counting after 10, it gets automatic.
The goal here is to do something purposely, not automatically. There no right way to breathe. Do not judge the way you breathe. Just give your attention to it. The way air feels on the tip of your nose. The way your belly rises. The sound your breath makes when it exits your body. This part takes about 4 minutes.
The general goal is to be aware of every experience you have. Nothing is a distraction.
Next, take 15–20 seconds to let your mind be free. Let it do whatever it wants to do. Then get your attention to any physical sensations that will bring you to the current moment for the next 30 seconds or so.
Open your eyes.
That’s it. Starting from the moment you sit down to the moment you finished. It takes 10 minutes. The duration I give for each part is not carved in stone. It changes with the mood I am in that day. This is the general plan.
I meditate in the morning to start the day with a more clear vision. But, the time of the day you meditate depends on your needs. If you have free time at noon and want to get ready for the afternoon, by all means, do it at noon. Or, if you have an 8–5 job and you want to reset your mind for the day after 5 pm. Do it after work. It gives you a fresh start for the remainder of the day.
The only time the drunk monkey inside our minds stops screaming random thoughts is when we’re purposely giving our attention to something we choose.
We are what we give our attention to.
