I’m Excited To Be a “Girl Mom” For Other Reasons than Dressing My Baby in Cute Outfits
Here’s why I’m really looking forward to raising a daughter.
The first thing a woman says to another (pregnant) woman upon news that pregnant woman is having a girl — without fail — is some generic version of this: “I bet you’re so excited to dress her in cute outfits.”
I’m pausing here to take a deep breath.
If I hear this comment one more time, I think I may snap. And coming from someone who cares a great deal about fashion — who has gone as far as making a career out of fashion — that’s really saying something.
Am I looking forward to having Girls Days with my soon-to-be mini me? Yes. Will we go shopping and do girly things like play with makeup and get our nails done? Presumably yes. But that’s not the core of my eagerness to bring my baby girl into this world, and I don’t think it should be anyone else’s.
Why, then, am I so bitter about this innocent comment? Largely because it’s what spews out of everyone’s mouth, confirming the unoriginality of the population and causing an eye roll so dramatic that I can’t see straight for 5 minutes.
But on a deeper level, it’s because it reinforces the stereotype that little girls are only good for their pretty little dresses and their glittery hair bows and their frilly tutus and their dainty little noses.
Smoke is coming out of my ears right now just talking about how maddening this is. If we (and when I say we, I’m referring mainly to women) are so hellbent on receiving equal treatment in the world, why are we the ones sabotaging our chance at it by saying something as juvenile as, “It’s going to be so fun to dress her,” when a mom-to-be tells us she is having a girl?
I understand the excitement of adorning small babies with floral head crowns and pink booties for entertainment’s sake — it’s just not what I’m thinking about during these final weeks before giving birth to my first, and only, baby daughter.
Here Are 5 Things I’m Most Looking Forward To in Raising A Daughter
None of which include dressing her in adorable rompers.
To show her what a loving marriage looks like
Having a 5-year-old call you out on “not talking nice to dad” is a wakeup call to maybe hold off on scolding your spouse until your child is out of sight.
While I believe that letting my kids see my husband and I argue is a healthy and normal part of a relationship, there are obviously topics children don’t need to be subjected to.
I want to show my daughter that having a loving marriage is multifaceted — it’s taking care of one another when we’re sick, it’s laughing with each other often, it’s forgiving each other when we’re upset, and most of all, it’s coming together as a team.
To show her that mommy’s work fuels her, not depletes her
I don’t ever want my kids thinking that work is this “bad thing” that takes their parents away from spending time with them.
I want to show her I love my work — that it’s a central part of my identity which makes me feel empowered, excited, and fulfilled. I want to teach her that working is what allows us to live in a nice house, eat good food, and go on fun adventures — that work is not the enemy, but the catalyst, the the good life.
To teach her that what makes her “different” from others is her superpower, not a weakness
This could be the most important thing I teach her.
To model a healthy self-image
Complaining about the toxicity of social media doesn’t fix the problem — there’s nothing we can do to stop the advances in tech, or stop our kids from being on devices.
I’m going to take more of an offline approach in showing her there are all different types of beautiful, and that is has very little to do with her physical appearance, and everything to do with confidence.
To instill in her that the beauty of life lies in her relationships
I don’t want to have to remind her that her family is important. I want her to be able to figure that out by herself.
I want her to see the relationships she has with her parents, brother, grandparents, and friends are never to be taken for granted.
Conclusion
When your best friend or neighbor or stranger on the subway rubs her belly and tells you she’s having a girl, think twice before asking her what outfit she’s going to be taken home from the hospital in.
Thank you for reading!
Ashley is a writer based in Connecticut, specializing in making mental health, wellness, and fashion FUN. She believes our weirdness is what makes us great, and is here to remind you that you have one life, and one life only, to live.
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