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In 8 Words, a Zen Teacher Taught Me How to Be Kind To Myself
Even When I Didn’t Want to
A good friend of mine is a Zen teacher.
I was telling her a story not so long ago about how I was struggling to focus.
I was being hard on myself and she knew it.
What I needed were some words of encouragement but in true Zen style, she asked me a simple question instead.
Can I be okay with not being okay?
I smiled, there was nothing else I could do.
She then continued:
“If that doesn’t work go one step further. Ask yourself – “Can I be okay not being okay with not being okay?
Don’t worry, that’s not a typo. If you have to read it two or three times to get it, I did too.
In the time it took me to understand, my friend patiently waited before concluding:
“Eventually, somewhere along the line, you’ll end up saying yes.
This is the path to surrender.
This is how you can recognise that you’re in a tough spot but can still make it through.
This is how you persevere even when you don’t want to.”
Before this moment, Zen always felt too passive for me
Don’t get me wrong, I always admired the teachings of Zen and the people who taught it. But I found it to be too subdued or passive.
I often felt it lacked practical tools that could help me in daily life.
Until now…
Then it became way more exciting.
Suddenly, I had something to work with, an idea to think about, and a technique to practice.
And it worked like a treat.
So now, instead of feeling disheartened, disengaged, and disinterested, I ask myself, “Can I be okay with not being okay?” Even on my worst days, eventually, I have to say yes. There’s no other way.
This question gives me the permission to not be at my best but continue on anyway. I might struggle at first but over time, I chip away at what needs to get done and the inspiration comes…
