In My Mind
I don’t like staying for too long without writing because this is where I document my thoughts, which, by the way, I think is pretty important. I want to look back 10 years from now and see how my thinking has evolved. Of course, journaling is one of the ways I do this. This has been my safe space to speak to the world in a silent way. One of my lecturers used to say, “We can’t all do big things, but we can definitely do small things in a great way.”
I recently graduated with a degree in Actuarial Science, and it was by far one of the best days of my life. I didn’t even realize how accustomed I was to being a student until the awakening came that I’m now an adult with responsibilities to myself and society. Even though my path may not be fully clear at this stage, I can feel it very strongly.
I remember all the sleepless nights I’ve had in an effort to pass this degree, and not just pass for the sake of it but achieve my goal of an upper division. Most people join university aiming for first class; who doesn’t want it? Even I wanted it. However, in my second year, it occurred to me that at some point in life, you have to be honest with yourself. I knew my strengths and weaknesses, and I knew which units were tough and which ones were a walk in the park. I didn’t want to focus on strengthening my weaknesses at the cost of weakening my strengths.
At the end of it all, I made it! It wasn’t the easiest four years. I can recall multiple times when I would be sitting in class and feeling like the dumbest person in the world because I didn’t understand what was being taught. Other times, when I would make presentations, my classmates would clap for me, and I would feel like the most brilliant person in the world. Both extremes made me realize that I can’t do it all. In life, I’m going to need people who are good at what I’m not to help me out. That’s where partnerships come in.
I was thinking about the power teachers have. If there are people who can make a difference in a generation, it has to be teachers. Some of the most motivating moments came from a lecturer. I can still recall some who inspired a change of heart and mind in me. Our entrepreneurship lecturer was one of a kind. He was constantly pushing our minds to their limits. Like, I’m already thinking outside the box, how much further should I go? 😂
Then came the exams, the most excruciating moments. I’m not sure if some lecturers just want students to fail or what. Like, why can’t you just test what you taught? We’re not Albert Einstein. That feeling of having studied your brain out only to find the exam is from planet Mars is awful. It’s the most heartbreaking thing for a student. And I’m not talking about times when you hadn’t studied, but the ones where even the lecturer doesn’t know the answer. Like, yoh, you set the question!😂
I remember how, after high school, I thought I knew it all. University is going to be easy; just be confident. I’m realizing now that at every new stage of life, I’m a baby. I have to learn to walk again even if I think I already know how to. The toughest thing is submitting to that reality because sometimes you just want to let people know that you know. But interestingly, no one cares. Like, okay, you sound smart, so what?
I struggled with this for quite some time, and it’s only now that I’m starting to grasp the art of always being curious. Curious to want to hear other people’s perspectives and other ways of doing something. In life, there are people who know and others who act like they know. I’m learning to listen more and talk less, and it’s honestly one of the best skills I’m learning so far. It teaches you humility, patience, open-mindedness, and empathy. If there’s a time I want to be quiet more, it’s now because one day my grandkids will have to listen while I talk.
Something interesting I noticed is that talking less doesn’t necessarily mean not opening your mouth but not forcing your thoughts and opinions on others. Come to think about it, the loudest person in the room may not be the one who’s talking the most but the one who’s asking the most questions.
My favorite people to converse with are the ones who are interested in understanding my point of view. That’s what fuels conversation. I love meaningful conversations, and most of them are not even about big topics; they’re just two or more people exchanging opinions about anything without imposing them on each other. We can have opposing views but still have a good conversation without anyone raising their voice.
