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In Three Sentences, A Family Psychologist Taught Me How to Overcome Anxiety
I had to stop viewing anxiety as the cause and instead see it as a symptom
Trying to manage anxiety was like trying to tame a wild bull.
It seemed impossible. Unattainable. Out of reach.
Even helpless at times.
But over time, I learned to put the bull in a trance, tie it to a leash, and befriend it.
I then used the enormous amount of energy it once took to contain it and poured it into more creative pursuits.
As a result, my self-confidence grew, my relationships improved, and I started producing content online.
Initially, I thought this was all I needed to do. My life had improved tenfold so I was proud of myself. However, as more time passed, I realised that I still had the bull on a leash.
It no longer ruled my life but there was a part of my psyche that was aware of the possibility that it someday could. So I made sure that the rope was secure. At all costs.
This continued to take up space and energy so I knew that I had to release the bull into the wild once and for all. To do that, I had to go to the root of my trauma.
Ashleigh Warner — a family psychologist — taught me how.
“Beneath every behavior there is a feeling. And beneath each feeling is a need. And when we meet that need, rather than focus on the behavior, we begin to deal with the cause, not the symptom”
I had been living with anxiety for twenty years at the time and I was over it. It was an old narrative that was holding me back but I was transfixed on not having anxiety instead of not having the thing that causes anxiety.
The thing that causes anxiety is a much deeper wound that anxiety tries to protect. It’s just so overpowering that it can feel like the problem.
So how to get to the root cause?
That’s the big question.
After a lot of digging, I found that mine was shame.
It took me a long time to realise this because I was carrying a lot of resentment and…
