Is Needing Control Always a Bad Thing?
A need for control: Is this you?
Sometimes we need to be in control. In some cases control may be a trauma response, it may have to do with a need for a sense of safety. We make references to control freaks, micro managers and tend to view control as a bad thing, but how often has it kept us safe?
As a person who grew up in a house full of drama and trauma, I can tell you I wanted to always be in control of my situation and environment. I can also tell you this was nearly impossible. Now listening to clients who have also known trauma, I’m giving thought to how necessary having control can be so useful for us.
I know my desire to feel safe and maintain some control followed me into my adult life which took some therapy and major life adjustments. Any sudden shifts in my environment or in the people around me is often still a trigger.
Recently a client was speaking to me about how controlling she can be, yet in the event she was describing, I was not hearing ‘controlling.’ I was hearing caring for my children, making sure certain things went a certain way for them, and maintaining a safe environment after the sudden loss of their dad. If we didn’t care for ourselves and our kids this way, wouldn’t we risk mayhem in our day to day lives?
