Is Social Life Still Necessary?
In search of “productivity”, you may be distancing yourself from friends. I did that for 2 years, and it wasn’t fun.
From an early age, I wondered whether close relationships were necessary all across the board. Although the feeling of loneliness was always familiar to me, I thought I was different. Admitting that my time with friends had been incredible more often than not, I did not, however, consider it essential.
I’m not sure whether it was the lack of people skills, but I started slowly distancing myself from others. Making new friends became appreciably more difficult, and some unchecked boxes of life started weighing me down.
Will you help me figure out the importance of social life? It’s obviously complicated, but is it a necessity for everyone?
Hi, can I be your friend?
Indeed, making friends is hard, especially if you’re the type of person who thinks that they’d be fine by themselves. Even if you are of the mindset that building friendships improves the quality of life, it’s significantly more challenging to do so these days.
COVID is a great scapegoat but not a good enough excuse for the lack of meaning in the world. I would argue that our inability to form close relationships is due to a plethora of things, including social media, the pushing of materialism, a false sense of independence, and the list goes on.
As it becomes increasingly more difficult to socialize, a question such as in the title arises. A false dichotomy is hence created between having friends and being productive. I certainly fell into the trap of thinking that distancing myself from others would result in success in other areas of my life. Trust me, I couldn’t have been more wrong.
Relationship deficiency vs. nutrient deficiency
As a science nerd, I love comparing social issues to biology and other topics that I’m more familiar with. Turns out, lacking friends has many similarities to lacking certain nutrients. Now bear with me on this one.
Different types of social interactions provide different value, and it can be surprisingly fruitful to approach them through the lens of nutrition.
Small talk, probably the least essential kind of discourse, can be wonderfully compared to a cup of coffee or sugar. While you could survive without any of these things, they do provide a short-term boost of energy as well as a decent amount of pleasure.
Small talk is better than nothing, but your mental health will suffer if that’s the only type of communication that you have. Just like consuming enough essential amino acids and micronutrients is crucial, so is having close friends. Your body is capable of surviving without minerals such as sodium, magnesium, and calcium by pulling them from your bones. You also can survive for a while without having any close relationships. That said, to have optimal physical and mental wellbeing, you do need to consume a good amount of salt and keep replenishing your friendship stores daily.
Lastly, you will cease to exist if you try to live off of nothing but proteins and coffee. Not only do you need fats and/or carbs, but you also need intimate relationships. The key similarity is that you can thrive by predominantly using your own body fat for fuel as well as having intimacy intermittently. Another parallel is that a deficiency of either thing can have the most devastating consequences in the long run.
As you can see, similarly to the food pyramid, there’s a hierarchy of essential discourses. Small talk is the least functional but serves as a great conversation opener that can lead to bonding. Less abundant but more necessary are the interpersonal communications between close friends and family members. The last and often the most scarce are intimate relationships. Sexual or not, they are vital to our survival.
New friends = more productivity?
Now this one’s a doozy. What if, by restraining yourself from relationships, you were actually doing yourself a disservice productivity wise. I know I sure was. It took me a while to understand that some activities (e.g., playing pool with my buddies), while seemingly unproductive, can boost my motivation tenfold.
This mindset shift will not only make hanging out with friends more enjoyable but also your work more rewarding. Firstly, if your profession has anything to do with other human beings, then having good people skills is key to your success. I certainly wouldn’t feel as well-rounded if I was writing articles about people’s nutrition while only witnessing my own, N of 1, trial.
Furthermore, you know what’s more sustainable and motivating than thinking about money? That’s right, thinking about friends. Knowing that you’ve ticked all the right boxes when it comes to relationships can be tremendously powerful. Achieving this peace of mind should eventually lead you to success in other areas as well as a better quality of life overall.
In conclusion, go make friends!
Takeaway
Please don’t be me. Go seek relationships. Just like various nutrients are vital for your mental and physical wellbeing, so are friends. Finally, don’t fall for the idea that productivity is somehow separate from having friends.
Good luck, and Happy New Year!
