Is Your Perception Reality?
Exploring how to take back control of your reality by actively managing your perception
One of the most important lessons that I’ve learned in life is that our thoughts can lie.
I wish I’d known this when I was 10 years old — it could have saved me from over a decade of depression & anxiety. Back then, I passively let negative self-talk and feelings of worthlessness write the narrative of my life.
I didn’t know anything about cognitive biases, neural pathways, or behavioral therapy. I had no reason to doubt my own brain.
Over time, I’ve (mostly) broken out of this cycle, and I now understand that just because you think or feel something — no matter how viscerally — does not make it true.
There are other truths out there — you just have to be willing to see them.
So, perception is not truth, but is it reality?
The not-so-simple answer is yes and no. Perception is your reality, but it’s not the only reality.
Perception is YOUR reality
Your thoughts and feelings are real. There is no arguing that. You experience them in all their pain and glory.
For me, this is a crucial point — one which some people — including those who are less emotionally reactive, haven’t struggled with mental health, or have never taken a long look in the mirror — might not fully appreciate.
Some people may rush to label things that they haven’t experienced as overreactions, dramatic, or unreasonable. They may not try to understand — they may not be able to see someone else’s reality.
Now, I’m definitely not justifying my (or anyone’s) reaction to strong emotions — but the feelings themselves? They’re damn real. They can be painful, all-consuming, and feel so much like truth.
These thoughts and feelings then drive behaviors, influencing how you interact with the world — and ultimately reinforcing your flawed narratives.
So your perception of yourself and the world is your reality. But where does that reality come from?
Conscious & unconscious biases, emotional sensitivity, society, education, genetics, and all the other internal & external influences in your life.
Acknowledging that perception is shaped by a variety of factors beyond ‘the truth’ opens the door to accepting that — maybe, just maybe — there are other realities out there.
Perception is not the ONLY reality
As noted above, your perception is influenced by many variables. If left unchecked, your thoughts and feelings become self-fulfilling prophecies as they influence how you act, how you interpret the world, and where you focus your attention.
However, you have the power to stop this cycle — to change the way you see yourself and your reality.
Take me: as a kid, I had an intense negativity bias that led to depression. I told myself every day that I had no friends, nobody liked me, and nobody cared about me. I felt alone, so I assumed that I was alone.
These feelings were real. They may have even occasionally been valid (kids can be mean). However, their intensity and the way they dictated my behavior could have been challenged.
Cognitive behavioral therapy would have taught me about the mind reading, all-or-nothing thinking, and catastrophizing going on in my head. Mindfulness could have helped me detach from the maladaptive thoughts instead of feeding them.
I could have questioned my reality — actively working to see it from a different perspective.
So, what can I do with this?
Putting these concepts together allows you to show yourself compassion, while getting curious about your thought patterns in order to take back control of your reality. You can do this by:
- Honoring your feelings, but not letting them control you.
- Questioning your mind — not taking it as truth.
- Recognizing that you have the power to change the lens with which you see the world — it may not be fast or easy, but it can be done.
- Practicing deep self-reflection & mindfulness to create a more authentic reality — noticing the influence of your past experiences.
- Keeping strong opinions, loosely held. Remaining open to challenge.
I’m still far from perfect, but using the concepts above (and great therapists), I have become a self-proclaimed reformed pessimist.
I no longer only see the roadblocks & risks ahead of me — I see possibilities. I try to not make assumptions about others and notice when my negative self-talk is running rampant.
I used to live by the mantra: ‘hope for the best, but expect the worst’ — always in protection mode, not trusting others, and definitely not trusting myself.
Now, I hope for the best, and work to see the best — in myself & others.
Note: This article is not meant to simplify mental health issues, or assume that if you ‘just try hard enough’ you should be able to overcome clinical illnesses on your own. I’ve been fortunate to have therapists and a strong support network to help me manage my own challenges, but I know that’s not always the case. If you, or someone you know, needs support — contact the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) Help Line here. You are not alone.
For more on how to live your good life — aligned to your core values & unique strengths — follow Alex Stanton on Medium
