Nice Girls DON’T Finish Last
How to leverage niceness in a work setting
“After years of self-discovery, building a successful career, and paying close attention to what worked and — most importantly — what felt right for me, I ultimately came to see that I didn’t have to sacrifice my values or hide my authentic personality in the name of achieving success. In fact, as I learned to own my natural kindness, it has become my professional superpower.”
As a woman who has been told many times that she is “too nice,” I began considering ways to present myself in a less empathetic and more direct manner. Whenever I thought about being labelled as “too nice,” it frustrated me. I did not want to be perceived as weak, passive and a pushover.
When I came across a book entitled “The Myth of the Nice Girl: Achieving a Career You Love Without Becoming a Person You Hate,” I was nothing short of intrigued. Author Fran Hauser takes a deep dive into ways that nice girls can use their natural inclinations to be kind to help them create and sustain successful careers.
Hauser teaches readers how to embrace their kind natures instead of rejecting them. Rather than trying to harden themselves, Hauser recommends that women work to harness their niceness and use it to cultivate meaningful relationships. She explains how nice girls typically have no problem making deep connections, so they should take advantage of this skill to build their networks. Although networking can sometimes feel calculated, it is important to establish connections and then reach out and ask for help when necessary. Hauser emphasizes that connections should be upheld and nurtured, so that asking for a favor will not feel manipulative.
One impactful chapter discussed setting boundaries. It is easy for nice girls to veer into the lane of people pleasing. Instead, Hauser suggests women should establish priorities in their professional and personal life and avoid taking on projects that do not align with these priorities. As someone who often accepts doing favors for others because of my affinity towards them, I found this chapter particularly enlightening. If I want to focus on my own goals, then I cannot be taking on every project or task others ask me to. Yet, this does not mean that I have to totally reject them. I can find other ways to be useful, whether that be recommending others who may be interested in lending a helping hand or contributing in a different way that aligns with my own goals.
Hauser’s book gives nice girls the tools and mindsets they need to take their kindness and empathy and catapult themselves into successful and fulfilling careers. Hauser reminds her readers, “We can be considerate of others and ourselves; accommodating and assertive; someone who speaks up and is humble; a team player who still always looks out for number one — you! And we can do that by embracing the traits of kindness and compassion that feel authentic to our personalities.”
