“You can be the moon and still be jealous of the stars” — Gary Allan
“A competent and self-confident person is incapable of jealousy in anything. Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity” — Robert A. Heinlein
Have you ever found yourself battling feelings of jealousy and possessiveness?
These are the two major factors for the destruction of romantic relationships, however,
being aware of your behaviors and making the decision to change is half the battle.
After that, practicing the strategies below can rid you of these negative feelings so you can enjoy healthy relationships.
Signs of Jealousy
“Beware of jealousy. For verily it destroys good deeds the way fire destroys wood” — Hadith
The predominant traits of a jealous person are a massive inferiority complex and selfishness.
Whilst we might view a jealous person as selfish, we may not recognize that they possess an inferiority complex.
This is because they mask it with a show of confidence.
Selfishness rears its ugly head when your lover shows even the mildest interest in someone or something else besides you.
You resent not being the center of attention and jealousy seizes you.
At such times, you won’t care about anyone else’s welfare but your own.
If you have feelings like these, it’s important that you realize they point to jealousy.
A Test of Selfishness
Ask yourself these questions:
- Am I willing to return the favor?
- Am I willing to allow a similar privilege?
If your answer is negative, you’re probably being selfish.
The challenge for you, if you’re jealous, is to overcome your feelings of inferiority and excessive need for approval.
Envy vs Jealousy
Although people tend to interchange these terms, envy and jealousy are two different emotions.
Envy is when you wish you could do as well as the other person.
But when you’re jealous, you want to be the only person who’s doing well.
The jealous person always wants to deprive the other of his/her success.
However, envy can be a good thing when you use it properly. It can spur you on to improve yourself and your circumstances.
“Possessiveness destroys love. And they should not be possessed, because that again destroys your love” — Rajneesh
In the case of possessiveness, there’s no third person involved.
You feel worthless unless someone loves you and proves it by showering you with their complete attention.
Both jealousy and possessiveness spring from the same source: an overwhelming need for love and approval.
Even if you possess these traits,
it doesn’t have to be that way forever.
There are techniques you can use to reduce or eliminate these negative feelings.
With a little practice, you can be well on your way to enjoying your relationships without the hindrances of jealousy and possessiveness.
# Accept yourself.
Nobody is perfect. No matter how perfect a person may seem to you, they have some flaws. You don’t need to be perfect to be worthwhile, or loved in order to prove you’re worthy. Why should you allow others to judge your worth? Do they have a PhD in the subject?
# Be kind to yourself.
When you face challenges or a breakup in your relationship, self-blame leads to guilt and feelings of inferiority. If appropriate, blame your actions, but not yourself. Avoid indulging in self-pity, instead,
count your blessings and you’ll feel more worthy right away.
# Believe in change.
You might think that jealousy and possessiveness are an intrinsic part of you that can’t be changed. However, you only have to consider people who stop smoking or become vegetarians to realize that change is possible.
If they can change, so can you.
# No one can own anyone.
It’s common for lovers to fancy that they “belong” to each other. This is one of the most dangerous beliefs of the jealous and possessive person. No matter how much you’ve sacrificed for your lover, you simply mustn’t think of them as you would your car or house.
If they want to leave, let them go. There’s no point in caging someone who doesn’t care for you any longer. There can be no harmony in such a relationship.
All you can do is hope and pray for a change of heart.
# Cultivate a hobby.
Those who make another person the center of their lives are naturally jealous and possessive.
One sure-fire way to stop centering your life on your lover is to develop an interest of your own.
Polish up your skills in your hobby, and you’ll notice you’re no longer obsessed with your relationship. That’s because you become passionate about something other than your lover.
So if you’re jealous and possessive, use these strategies to
build your sense of self-worth
and learn to see things as they really are.
As a result, you’ll find your relationships blossoming into beauty and joy!