People Won’t Be Able to Fall in Love With You, if You Keep Feeling Shy of Them
It’s time to get rid of it, since there is little time left.
A year ago my best friend moved from the capital city into a small town. He left behind his three-room apartment, bought a one-way ticket on a high-speed train that within 4 hours took him to his destination. My friend did all this for the sake of the relationship with his girlfriend. I also keep away from the capital city as far as I can. Eventually, the three of us have been frequent visitors to coffee shops ever since, spending lots of time together. This has been the case for a good twelve months. It is only now that my friend’s girlfriend has revealed herself as a personality, and that is because of shyness.
The girlfriend’s name is Olga. She’s 24. In Twitter she describes herself as a web-developer who loves life, rock, drums, snowboarding and culinary arts. I learned all of that at several get-togethers we had last year after we had been introduced to one another.
We’ve enjoyed each other’s company ever since. The three of us would hang out in a café, get together at one another’s places and play computer games (dear adulthood, I beg your forgiveness). Speaking of Olga and me, we would at times exchange memes on messengers and click a “like” button on each other’s pics on Instagram. Everything was going fine. Well, why wouldn’t it? I was her boyfriend’s best friend, she was his girlfriend. These roles were meant for amiable communication and occasional jokes about mutual jealousy.
The months went past, and the friendship between our threesome was unfolding. At the end of the fall I presented them with socks as a New Year’s gift. I did this for no particular reason. Last summer I brought them a coffee beans from Greece. They reciprocated, so everything was simply wonderful. We also developed a habit of frequenting a coffee shop at the weekends as well as getting together for breakfast once in a while. Olga even got to know my brother, which is why our interaction got more intimate.
I thought I got to know her quite well. My thinking was that after we developed trust between one another there would be no major surprises in the offing. Boy, I was wrong.
A girl I did not know
In the middle of September we took ourselves to Riga. There were four of us: my friend, Olga, her female friend and myself. Weather turned out to be really lousy: it rained at least once during the daytime for 7 days on the trot. For this reason, we took occasional strolls, spending the rest of the time indoors.
We would do the same chores every day. In the morning we had breakfast, we worked afterwards. In the afternoon we would go out for lunch and take a walk. After dinner I would have a few tipples of wine, catching my friends’ sober glances. This pastime of ours would be accompanied by conversations on the most different topics.
There was still something else about it. Apart from the routine, we also did something friends normally do not do. We brushed our teeth, added milk to flakes and waited our turn to visit the bathroom. We hung around in the apartment in our home clothing. We also had to stand in line to get the chance to change in the bathroom. Doing the laundry and searching for the staff lying about was also part of our life there. Since I am an early bird, I would also watch my friends sleeping. They, in turn, would see me working in the evenings while sipping wine.
Unusual activities and spending time together took their own effect. I came to realize this after a couple of days, somewhere in the middle of our trip. One morning Olga cracked an excellent joke. I can’t recollect the gist now, but it entailed an adroit mix of sarcasm and threat towards me. In other words, that was the kind of a joke a normal person would easily take offence at.
I like jokes getting over the top. However, it was rather unusual to hear one from Olga for the first time. I mentioned it to her in passing, saying that it was unusual and good at the same time. She responded by saying something that encouraged me to write this whole thing.
It’s just I am not shy of you any longer.
This reply was some sort of a bolt of lightning. I heard the phrase, understood its meaning and came to realize all that happened. Olga did stop being shy of me and from then on could behave in a more uninhibited manner. It took 3–4 days of living in the same apartment, several lunches in a café and a year of acquaintanceship prior to that.
From then onwards things got different. Jokes became sharper, our interaction more relaxed. In addition to that, it was on several occasions that I heard the phrase “we are now almost like relatives”, which she kept saying to her boyfriend about me. We grew closer to one another. We did grow closer as she no longer was feeling shy of me.
It seemed a moment of revelation. All this time I had thought I knew this person, her habits and behavior. However, it was the tip of the iceberg. The iceberg with a huge potential lurking underneath. I could not have made it out, had it even tried hard to show itself.
On my flight back from Riga I was looking out the window and thinking.
It’s better not to be shy
The man sets himself boundaries that he can’t cross and that prevent him from exploiting his full potential. He is compelled to do this by his character traits, which is why it doesn’t make any sense to blame anyone for it. However, the man could nicely get along without shyness.
But for shyness, neither lack of understanding nor awkward silence would ever set in, and I would have spent the last 12 months in a more eventful fashion. Without shyness the smiles would lack in sincerity, and the jokes would be devoid of their dangerous nature. Finally, without it you wouldn’t have to close the bathroom door behind you while brushing teeth.
Human beings should be more eager to get in touch with and approach one another. Inhibited behavior and observing the decencies will vanish with time. They will be driven out by natural behavior and habits. To spend a year preparing yourself for something new may be too great a luxury in any undertaking, especially while not showing your true colors before you friends.
All in all, next time I meet someone I would honestly admit I can’t come up with a funny opening joke rather than mumbling something along about the weather. Nor would I feel shy of uttering something just as awkward as my first line. This is what I am, and I like it that way.
On my return from Riga things got totally different. There was another level of communication with Olga, which I can even feel while we text one another. Her jokes are different, and she asks me curios questions. At times it feels unusual, but I can handle it.
It’s now quarter to one in the morning and a funny thing has sprung to my mind. She has not been shy of my friend for much longer. He’s a lucky guy.
