Sex Isn’t as Bad
A Spiritual Flight
A few years ago, I couldn’t understand what teachers like J. Krishnamurti and others meant when they spoke about sex, often calling it “unimportant,” of course with some humor, and at times, suggesting it was a “waste of energy.”
Around the globe and throughout our history, many of our religious leaders have often condemned human sexuality, associating it to “animal” behavior, and overall, contributing to a degrading view of human sexuality.
Despite all this, why did it feel impossible for my body to follow such words, and behave itself? Why, despite all those teachings, I just couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that sex — which consumes a big chunk of our existence — was unimportant?
Bear in mind, it’s one thing to tell ourselves “Okay, I’m done with it,” and live in denial, as many do, either losing their zest for life, or overindulging in embarrassing ways.
When I speak of understanding this human experience therefore, I refer to looking at it from different angles, and seeing the bigger picture for what it is.
Like many, equipped with what I had been told by religions, and based on how my immediate environment shaped me; I was confused about human sexuality. “It’s sinful,” “it’s shameful,” “it’s animalistic,” and so on.
As I’ve observed over the years, regardless of how much we indulge in the sexual act — many of us are still uneasy about it. This shows how much influence the subconscious has over us.
It also shows something else; there is a layering in the way we conceive and perceive reality. Yes, many of us believe sex is sinful as an example — yet, it doesn’t stop us, or more precisely said, our bodies from demanding it.
That’s why regardless of how many lower emotions such as guilt or shame we associate to our sexuality, it still runs. This also points out to another fact.
Wishful thinking is weak against instincts. It’s in the DNA. The body is running of fundamental programs for a use. We inherit this body when experiencing life on Earth, and with it come different parameters we have to work with during our time here.
Yet, it doesn’t stop us from feeling “dirty” or ashamed for having indulged in it. It’s a gift to human beings after all. While many animals simply seem to fulfill their reproductive “routines,” we humans have been gifted with a mind that allows us to dig in and gain insights into every corner of Existence.
It’s a blessing and a tremendous gift to be able to perceive the reality we’re in in so much detail, and learn as long as we want to. At the same time however, this gift can also feel burdensome, as it does today with many of us, since so much effort is required to understand and make sense of our experiences.
I became intrigued the other day when a funny thought came to me; why is it that my body responds the way it does to another body? Why is it attracted to certain shapes and sizes?
Telling me “it’s natural” won’t work.
Why do I feel this pull, this magnetic force to the opposite sex, whenever I’m charmed? Why do I suddenly become tactile when I’d rather keep my hands to myself for the most part?
Most importantly, why is my logic bypassed in such circumstances? As an example, how can I feel ready to do anything for a person I barely know, and in some cases, know nothing of?
A lot of lovers have been accused of being liars, especially men who are known to say all kinds of things and give promises they won’t fulfill.
As I observed these dynamics in myself, and others, becoming more aware of this body and how it “plays” with me — its user; it becomes evident that these patterns are all ingrained and purposeful programs I naturally “inherit” from being here on Earth.
The next question that comes to me is this one: Why should I, therefore, feel uneasy about natural body impulses?
Throughout our history as a species, there has always been those who have suppressed their natural body impulses, and those who overindulged in them. In both cases, those were simply reactions to external pressure instead of an actual understanding.
When we are trying to understand, it doesn’t necessarily translate into taking an immediate physical action, e.g. overindulging in sex because a priest said it’s fine or suppressing the sexual impulse because someone else said it’s a crime.
True understanding is instead reflected in our behavior.
When we see sex for what it is therefore, its movement in the body changes too.
In the past as an example, I came across Mantak Chia who discussed about experiencing “whole body orgasms,” and again, I couldn’t understand what it meant. My lifestyle at the time didn’t help, and in order to be attuned to one’s body and feel the more sensitive energies within it, how we live on a daily basis overtime is key.
As I’ve observed lately however, after some good years of diligence in terms of habits (and some smaller indulgences here and there — no one’s perfect), the sexual flow has a different feel to it.
You start to see it for what it is, a purposeful body impulse.
And it does not end there. Its flow activates higher centers inside ourselves, and goes on to alter our approach to relationships, and our overall behavior too. As I said previously, true understanding is reflected in one’s behavior.
A lot of us push our instincts deep down, and force ourselves to be well-behaved. It can be felt when a man just wants to have sex as an example.
In poorer places, where most are constantly fighting for their survival, a good number of people’s energies seem to rotate between their bellies and their underbellies.
In places where human beings have pushed themselves to overcome challenges, thereby developing themselves more — even if their energies rotate in similar ways, due to having surpassed themselves, they learned to tap into the dormant potential in human beings. From this were activated higher aspirations.
What’s beyond our instincts and survival? What about values, affection, and care? What about art, information and wisdom?
The more I age, the more I realize we’ve been given a tool — body and mind — with plenty of dormant potential. Unlocking this potential does require some concentrated efforts overtime, but once we breach our way through it — another essential question reveals itself: Up to where can I keep pushing myself?
As I’ve noticed, pushing ourselves to grow creates a marriage that naturally occurs between our higher aspirations — those that go beyond survival matters, and our body impulses. Think of the improving flow of energy between the lower and higher energy centers.
As said many times throughout this piece, understanding is reflected in our behavior, and is poured into every area of our lives. I wouldn’t be surprised if this changes the way we bond together as lovers, as an example. Maybe once we experience it for ourselves, the previous patterns and standards we had when it came to relationships start to look “low.”
I don’t think we meet lovers based on pure coincidence neither. Each one of them teaches us important lessons.
I hope you enjoyed this essay. If you have something share, please do!
Best,
Rabih
