Six Steps to Give Yourself Permission to Feel
How grief can teach us to give the green light to processing emotions.
This time last year my aunt died. Two years ago my nan died. It feels strange to write, but these were the first deaths I grieved in a way that feels… healthy.
My uncle died after an unexpected and brutal fight with cancer when I was 13. My girlfriend’s mum died, also from cancer, when I was 17. Over the years, all my grandparents have passed on, plus another uncle. And that’s only family members.
After my uncle’s death, I saw the pain in the eyes of my mum, my dad, my sister, and the rest of the family. I wanted to be strong for them, I believed strength was hiding sadness, and my sadness was an unnecessary addition to the collective pain.
When my parents returned home from hospital after my uncle died, we embraced, and I didn’t cry, not fully, not in front of them. I excused myself, ran upstairs, and cried into my pillow, cushioning my tears.
Before my nan died, I never grieved fully. I unconsciously invalidated my grief. I created a chasm between my feelings and my intellect, one created in childhood and expanded each time I ignored or resisted a wave of emotion. I refused to feel.
