Stop Believing Your Own B.S
Bullshit: Used especially as a rebuke in response to communication or actions viewed as deceptive, misleading, disingenuous, unfair or false.
If I don’t believe in my own bullshit then I allow myself to continue to grow -Rev. angel Kyodo Williams
To me Believing in your own B.S is like a form of self sabotage. Its putting yourself in a box and closing it, hindering any passerby to help open the box. It’s getting swallowed by your own thoughts
My friend with whom I grew up with, known all my life, seen all her boyfriends from the toothless ones to the too old for your age ones chose to hide a life-changing information from me because she was convinced and felt very satisfied by her decision.
She couldn’t get herself to tell her family or even her close friends the massive change that was about to happen to her. As someone who spent a few years studying in Africa myself before the big move, I know just how much of a blessing it is when you get an opportunity to study abroad, not only because of the flashy “abroad” term but because of the better education system that they have there. I have friends who have carried the student title for 6 years while during admissions the course said very boldly and clearly 4 years. This mostly thanks to the constant strikes led by lecturers due to underpayment.
One Saturday that I was stuck at her place because of the heavy rains, during one of my visits back home, she turned to me and said “I need to tell you something but don’t talk until I’m done” She went on and said that her University application had come back and that she had passed her entrance exams. Vividly stated that although she was excited about the opportunity earlier while applying, she was not sure anymore if that was a good opportunity and that she had not reached out to reply the university’s email and didn’t know if she was even planning to.
At this point, I cleared my throat, sat there with no expression on my face, but God knows I was speaking 1000 words per second in my head. She went ahead and said she won’t be comfortable living with her aunt, she doesn’t know if she will get a job and help pay her fees, that she was scared of leaving home, and now just insert every negative thought that has ever crossed your mind before making that big decision.
It later came to my realization that we are all culprits of this kind of sabotage, just experiencing it in different levels. I had been sitting there waiting to hear the other side of the story, the I know it’s a good opportunity, I can’t believe this has happened, God is good, but that did not happen. I wondered the kind of debate that was going on in her head. How all this had sat heavily in her,
What my friend needed at that particular time were some comforting words and a reminder of how excited she was while applying, because that excitement was an emotion she had thrown away and shipped to another world. It too needed to be felt, not ignored. Needed to bloom somewhere alongside a drop of fear of the unknown and It would somehow within time overshadow all the thoughts of fear she had turned to reality if she were to take the opportunity. Living in the present is important. Coming back to the present when your mind starts to wonder is a necessity and meditation has proved to help with this.
What’s important to remember is that B.S will creep up from time to time but remember that we are just humans, here to experience this humane life and change will come, and it is uncomfortable, it can be drastic, but change is inevitable and opens doors, windows, curtains, name it! to new adventures and…
Every great adventure begins with not knowing .
BEEN THERE.
