Stop saying “Sorry”
Don’t apologize if you don’t think you have done anything wrong
The word “Sorry” rolls off our tongues like the ultimate jerk reaction. Believe me, I know. I am perpetrator number one.
Yesterday someone hit me with a door on the way out of a store. Obviously, I apologized. A few hours later, I said “sorry” to the people waiting in line when I walked out of the Tim Hortons public washroom.
As a proud Canadian, I am well aware that we are notorious for apologizing for EVERYTHING. Just like how pleases and thank yous roll off our tongue in everyday conversation, apologies do too. I call it the Canadian Sorry.
You bump into someone? Sorry. Trying to get through a crowd? Pardon me, Sorry. Someone opens a door and hits you in the face? Sorry. Maybe it kind of dilutes the meaning of a sorry, but it’s a common courtesy. And I have no problem with it.
Sorrys are polite. They’re kind. They’re consolatory…
They are absolutely infuriating.
You know that kind of “sorry” where you simultaneously want to scream, flip a bird, and not accept the apology? The apologies people give when they “just want you to shut the f — up”. The “I don’t wanna argue about this anymore so I’ll just apologize” kind of sorry?
Ya, those are the kinds of “Sorry”s you need to stop saying.
If you’re not sorry, I don’t want to hear it
Here is the thing with words: they only carry as much meaning as you intend. So your sorry is only as apologetic as you truly mean for it to be.
Let’s be clear here: I’m not asking for an apology because I have a compulsive urge to hear you utter the words “I’m sorry”. I just want you to acknowledge why I’m upset or where you went wrong so that it doesn’t happen again.
So it’s kinda (very) frustrating when a “Sorry” is yielded instead as a weapon. When instead of actually LISTENING, you throw a Fake Sorry in my face to placate and make me shut up.
If you don’t know why you’re apologizing, don’t apologize. Maybe find out why you’re even in this scenario. Don’t agree with me? Let me know. Maybe you’re in the right. But let me tell you something: if you mutter a meaningless apology just to make me feel better, well then you’re definitely in the wrong.
Ask yourself a question the next time you give a jerk-reaction apology. Is this apology supposed to make ME or YOU feel better? Because I know that you’re just apologizing for the sake of apologizing, so it is not giving me any peace of mind. However, it seems like you think your half-assed apology absolves you of any guilt or wrong.
You can’t use a five-letter word as a replacement for actual remorse or understanding. If you want my forgiveness, you better try a little harder.
The Exception For Saying Sorry When You REALLY Did Nothing Wrong
For the most part, sorries are for when you mess up— or someone thinks you have. But sometimes, we give out apologies even when we know — and you know — that we genuinely did nothing wrong.
Get ready to get thrown in a loop here, because you know what?
I think these sorries are ok
I gave an example of one earlier… the Canadian Sorry. In my personal dictionary, these are apologies that we give to emphasize that we may have caused an inconvenience, regardless of the fact that we did nothing wrong.
More commonly we experience that hard-to-detect Sympathetic Sorry. You know that “I’m sorry you didn’t get that job offer” or “I’m sorry your aunt passed away” or “I’m sorry you had a rough day”. It may not be your fault, but you are still saying sorry.
But here is the thing. These are displays of empathy. This isn’t someone trying to use a one-syllable word to replace really an actual apology. And empathy is something I will support. Always.
But if we are fighting, or if you did something wrong, I do not want your empty apologies.
The Power of a Genuine Sorry
Obviously, there are genuine apologies. Politeness and civility are very important in our day-to-day life. And nothing washes away anger better than a Genuine Sorry.
You know how they say that “everything that comes after a ‘but’ in an apology is not genuine.” Well, they’re not kidding. There is nothing worse than someone apologizing and then following it up with a long-winded explanation about everything you did wrong that justifies their behavior.
Don’t get me wrong — it is hard to admit being in the wrong. I can say for myself that I am bad at taking the complete blame for any situation. There are always two sides to the.
Genuine apologies are disarmingly effective. It’s just too bad that they rarely happen.
My mom always told me “If you have nothing nice to say, don't say it at all.” I think she should've also told me
“If you’re not actually sorry, don’t say it at all”
Because let me tell you something: Apologies are nice. Fake apologies, however, are just the opposite. They’re infuriating. They’re degrading. They’re a waste of breath.
So if you’re showing sympathy, being polite, or better yet, actually admitting a mistake, apologize all you want. I’ll respect you for it.
But if we are fighting, or if you did something wrong that you’re not willing to admit, I do not want your empty apologies. You haven’t done anything to make me feel better or to make up for your actions, so you don’t deserve to get satisfaction from the empty words that you don’t mean.
Hey, I’d say sorry for the harsh words. But the truth is, I’m not.
