The Ignored Downside of Self-Help Fetish
Tyler Durden was right.
Tyler Durden was right when he said
Self-Improvement is Masturbation
Do you need help? Don’t worry, you won’t be judged by anyone, only by the Judge of your own conscience. Just ask yourself. When does a normal person need help? And try to broaden the parameter of help, since help is a multidimensional subject. Maybe like me, you will stick with a similar solution.
“When the person is incapable to help himself”
Too obvious. If we were capable and had the power to control everything associated with us, we would have never asked for help. Nobody likes to bow down, nobody likes to reveal they are incapable in any way, nobody wants to show their helpless side, isn’t it?
That’s arguably one and the only good characteristic of our ego, that no matter where our choices had led us, we are still able to consider ourselves adamantly capable. It’s simple right? If we have the power and understanding to help ourselves, the word ‘help’ won’t come in the first place?
So, what is wrong with us now? How did we make this transition from being adamantly capable to eternally vulnerable?
What is Self Help?
Before Understanding the Obsession, why don’t we come to a common definition of self-help, especially what self-help looks like right now? Since that way, we are all on the same page.
You were browsing through your social media when your friend texted you that he needs you urgently. You went to him and provided your help by all means.
That’s help.
Your inner self is struggling to find balance, live with fulfilment, attain peace, and you are not exactly living your life in a way you think you should be. And after ignoring its notification enough time, you finally decide, not to look inside but out (for external sources) that can make you see and understand the problem. That’s Self Help. Or to be precise, that’s what self-help has become right now.
Today, a good amount of people are living in the perpetual obsession of browsing through different self-help content, jumping from one article to another, letting the google algorithm keep your eyes and mind engaged to the screen, searching which the best self-help book is, to begin with, researching about other books by the same author, comparing their success, waiting for Amazon price drop alert on our added book, preparing a list of books you should read and adding new items to it every day.
That’s the Self-Help Obsession.
The new trend that Is going to last long?
Self-Help is overrated. It has become a trend. It is literally considered smart to surround yourself with these kinds of stuff. Why? Because it shows that you are actually concerned about yourself. And the part that ‘you; needed help because you fucked things up by yourself in the first place is completely ignored.
Self-help is like taking a sleeping pill. Now, there are millions of ways to fall asleep and the drug is not the healthiest of them all. But since you feel confident while taking these medicines, you create this perception that You NEED Them. Something you can accomplish just by having a working day and a good book to read at night is now taken over by some pills because of the wrong perception. The same is the case with self-help. All you need to help yourself is just the realization. But since we are surrounded by ‘Self-Help Materials’ from books to Instagram posts to Twitter quotes, we chose to depend on it.
Were we always like that, celebrating self-help as some sort of milestone?
NO. In fact, we were exactly the opposite. There was a time when Mental Health was limited to ‘within house’ conversations. You wouldn’t (because you were not allowed to ) talk about it out loud like you do now. The whole idea of taking professional help, from someone, to help yourself was an uncommon frightening thought. It’s with the time that people gave mental and emotional well-being equal importance. The availability and accessibility of free resources to help yourself was a bonus as well.
Self-help not because you need it but because everyone is having it?
Or
Self-help because no one else will?
Ask yourself. What is the why behind your actions? Why are you actually looking for help? Is it because everyone around you is having it and you are feeling left out while having a conversation? Or because you actually need it and instead of going by the old school methods of reaching out to someone, sharing your heart out, and listening to them, you already made up your mind that no one understands you anyway.
Ask the right question. It’s not exactly easy to find the blue sky of real reasons amid the white clouds of wrong perceptions. And beware, the EGO is ever ready and omnipresent in these matters. It won’t take much time to give you all the unnecessary justifications while hindering you to focus on all the right reasons.
The Choice Paralysis
Now whatever the reason was, you have finally decided that you will pull yourself out of this well you are stuck in. You arranged everything, from helping materials to the technology that will help you. You called the people who might help you, you made a plan. Now you have everything and you are still stuck, but for a completely different reason. Where do I start?
The Choice Paralysis Welcomes you. It’s a state where you are immobile, not because you lack the energy to move but because you lack the understanding of where to put that energy, where to take the first step. And the prime reason for that is, you have accumulated too much. You own an abundance of resources.
You are never paralyzed when you have to choose between two doors. That’s an easy choice. You are however paralyzed when all the doors are open in all directions and you can go anywhere.
Imagine a scenario. You purchased all the books that were NYT #1 Bestsellers. You started following Self-Help Influencers and Entrepreneurs on Social Media, you bookmarked various websites of Ryan Holiday, Mark Manson, and James Clear. You subscribed to the free Newsletters of all the content creators. You started following amazing self-help podcasts on Spotify, subscribed to all the self-improvement creators on Youtube. You installed all the productivity apps in one go. Now what?
Either you might start with everything, all together and reduce the time at which you will attain fatigue. Or You might not start at all because having all the resources is overwhelming. It consumes you, frightens you, and the actions toward self-development which should be natural now started to feel compelling. The situation is analogous to a person who overburdens his/her wardrobe with the purpose of ‘Not falling short in any way, only to find himself struggling the next morning with what to wear.
Same Story by Different Authors
Google and you will find dozens of books on Habits. Google more and you will find even more on Entrepreneur. Google even further and you will find more on ‘How to be Rich?’ And if you have any energy left to Google, you will find even more on Spirituality and How a good life should be?
But wait, every book is different right?
That’s a misperception.
You read books on habits because you believe your habits are not good enough right now, you read about happiness because you think you are not that happy. You read about how to feel free because you think you are not free right now, you read about looking for motivation because you are unable to find the motivation inside. And giving yourself the message with different stories will only make you a good storyteller and probably a good read but not a good version of yourself unless you start applying.
Self Help is not a doctrine to follow. It’s a choice. And it’s perfectly fine not to use it every time, not to be obsessed about it. Help is a temporary aid when in need, it doesn’t have to be a routine. Don’t make yourself vulnerable to have a dose of it every day.
Ask Yourself. Do you need help? Sometimes all you need is
- Breath
- Good Sleep
- A hug/ A conversation
Or maybe you need nothing.
