The Limitations of Will Power
Is your will your god, or are you looking at the stars?
I grew up in a household that was very focused on goals. The honoring of each member of our family was not the focus. Despite the good things that I received by growing up in that family, our family also had a sickness, a darkness. Perhaps it was my father’s darkness — for his need to achieve, and his internal struggles overshadowed the spirit of our family. Our inner worlds were not recognized or nurtured. Nor did we understand the magic of living.
When I became extremely ill 10-years ago, I didn’t know why. I had been pushing myself relentlessly. I was in a transition in my life, and I didn’t see how things were going to fall into place. It was as if I had to make everything happen myself. I pushed and pushed myself. I had a strong will and had always been able to make things happen before.
One day I collapsed. I couldn’t push anymore. I didn’t have any reserves: I had no physical strength. I had headaches, chills, and nausea. After even minor exertion, I had to lie down and recover. I had to be very careful about how I used my energy. I stopped all strenuous exercise and cut back significantly on my workload. I started seeing doctors hoping somebody could help me.
