The Walls We Build When Love Ends
I Felt Like My Emotions Had Turned Off, Until Now
3 months post breakup and I’ve travelled back home to Wales for what has been the first time since Christmas (9 months ago). I didn’t intend to leave it this long but a part of me has been avoiding it.
All I’ve been able to think about is how at one point I would have brought my ex here, before it all went south.
It’s also my mum’s birthday, too, and I couldn’t help but feel emotional buying her a gift.
Now sat in my childhood bedroom, I’ve felt emotional all day. This morning I felt apathetic, a sign I’ve found that some unfelt emotions are bubbling. I got upset before leaving and held back tears at numerous points on the train-ride down.
It took some reflection and a run-through several podcast episodes from my favorite coaches for it to click as to why I was feeling so emotional.
The act of giving a gift, the action of going somewhere that reminds me of a plan I had with my ex, a desire previously alive; the reminder that when I was last here we were still together and happy, all of this is shedding light on a part of me I’ve found difficult to access since the breakup…
The space of love.
