Want to Feel Less Isolated During the Pandemic?
A Shift of Perspective Can Help
A few years ago, I was on what was meant to be a relaxing retreat in Ushimado, Japan. Often referred to as the Aegean of the east, it’s ripe with olive trees and salty breezes, overlooking the Seto inland sea. Beautiful, except that it hadn’t stopped raining since the moment I arrived. Besides the rain, my accommodation was overrun with mouse droppings and the shadows of cockroaches darting into corners every time I flicked on a light. I wasn’t exactly feeling the Zen.
As the rain slowed to a drizzle on the third morning, I decided to take my chances and go to the local island, a five-minute ferry ride away. It boasted a huge bike path around the perimeter, so I rented a bike and started pumping my way around the path. The wind blowing in my hair, the ocean spread out on all sides of me, it was serene. For about 10 minutes, until I heard a tell-tale grumble in the air, right before the clouds released an onslaught of heavy rain.
I was drenched within seconds and despite seeing roads on either side of me, hinting at destinations or dwellings of the residents that lived somewhere out of view, I was the only human being in sight. I felt scared, then annoyed for about a second, and then I realized there was nothing I could do besides finish getting around the path and catching the next ferry. In this complete isolation and lost in an impenetrable veil of rain, I threw my head to the sky and thought, “What the hell? You’re in it now,” and became one with my surroundings. I embraced the situation and started to sing and pump my way around the path with almost hysterical energy. As I reached the bottom of a steep hill, instead of cursing my gearless bike, I yelled out “push, push, push, you can do it!” Belting out “Singing in the Rain” and “Raindrops on Roses,” I gave up all resistance and decided to just let the rain fall. A wave of aroma washed over me: incense, rain, seawater, wet dirt, cabbage.
I finally reached the end of the path, back where I started, smelling like a wet dog, feeling like a wet rag, and now looking like something out of a horror movie. But also feeling light and energized and ready for anything. I wiped away the trails of black mascara that had trickled down my cheeks. I was exhausted, blissfully happy, and in the moment. It’s one of my favorite memories of Japan. In that moment of giving up resistance, I felt completely free and alive. Powerful. Aware. Confident that I could tackle anything life threw my way, and resolute to enjoy every minute of it, even when it gets hard and my legs ache and I’m soaked to the core. It was an intense shift of feeling.
The question is not what you look at, but what you see. — Henry David Thoreau
Accepting What is, and Moving Forward
Accepting the rain as it enveloped me instead of resisting it was a small shift in perspective, but it changed everything. When you learn to accept what is, you can move forward in whatever situation you’re in, and even find joy in what once seemed terrible. You enter the flow, free to experience things as they happen as opposed to how you hoped they would be. And there’s such freedom and power in that.
This can, of course, be done for any situation, with a little active re-direction of your thoughts. Situations like, say, feeling stuck at home during the second wave of COVID. As restrictions crept up, I started to feel trapped. I was back on that bike path, the rain was pounding down and I just wanted to get dry and sorted and in control. My plans felt stunted. I was so angry at “the universe” for handing me this blow, right when I felt I was moving forward on my time-limited plans. Right when I felt I had some control over the outcomes, the universe stepped in and reminded me that none of us are really in control.
For those of us frustrated right now, missing our families, not able to move forward on life goals, this shift can really help.
How to Get From Resistance to Revelation
Accept that “it is what it is”
Humans are happiest in life when they take control of the things that are in their sphere of influence and accept that some things are out of their control. COVID is (still) here. We’re being asked to stay home to help save lives. Once you accept this, you can figure out what to do next instead of spending precious energy resisting it.
Create some alternate thoughts about the situation.
Start shifting from thinking about the negative side of a situation to a more positive aspect. Forcefully putting on those rose-colored glasses might feel like a strain at the start. But the more you do it, the more you start to naturally think on the glass-half-full side of things. Here are some of my alternate thought examples:
Instead of: My body is going to suffer from less activity. Think: I’ll finally be able to rest my body long enough for that pesky injury to heal.
Instead of: I’m trapped in my apartment. Think: I get some time to rest my body and feed my mind and not fuss about the day-to-day grooming and traveling that takes time away from those things.
Instead of: I’m missing so many things. Think: I love not feeling obligated to attend a million different social events. And maybe I can spend some time figuring out who I actually miss and want to spend time with.
Be mindful and look for the joy in your current situation.
How great does it feel now when you actually do get outside? The wind on your face. The joy of fresh air. All of those basics that we often take for granted. Be as mindful as possible during these moments. Collect these moments of joy and direct your energy towards creating a list of good stories and gratitude around your new circumstances. If you have a job that you can do from home, and your home is safe and secure, right off the bat you have a list of things to be grateful for. Gratitude is the ultimate perspective shift that breaks you out of your “woe is me” moments to a more positive mindset.
Do some good and plan some fun “escapes”
Donate, offer to drop off groceries, volunteer if you’re capable, support local restaurants or artists you love. Directing your attention outside of your own situation is also a phenomenal way to shift your perspective away from what’s upsetting you.
And make it fun! There are the courses, the zoom dance parties, sing-a-longs, free books, and live streams, silly but captivating TikToks (if you, like me are the last to jump on that bandwagon). Lots of things to keep you smiling.
If Nothing Else, Pay Attention to What You Miss the Most
These are just my tips for getting through, but I know it’s not always so simple to shift your perspective. Some situations are incredibly tough and it’s also okay to wallow a bit. To grieve. To eat a tub of smarties ice cream (this is my go-to). You don’t have to come out of this anything more than in one piece. But even if you shift your perspective a fraction, I suspect you’ll start to feel less restricted and free to embrace what is.
And if you haven’t already, take this time to really process what you miss the most, and what you don’t miss at all. Because we’ve all been given this opportunity to come out of the other side with a sense of gratitude and a focus on the things that truly matter…to us. I know that right now, I’m happiest when I’m walking in my local ravine with fresh air on my face. It’s so simple. Air, rain, sunshine touching skin. I’m starting to love the silence. The lack of make-up. Not so much the lack of waistline, but definitely the lack of any need to accessorize my outfits. And there’s a lot of stuff I spent a lot of time on that I don’t miss at all. I now crave simplicity. Kindness. Human touch. Basic, inexpensive, nourishing. It’s all we really need in the end.
