What’s Holding You Back?
The things holding us back from the life we want to build and live
Something you might ask me is, Elton, what am I being held back from? That’s a good place to start. We all have dreams — some of the dreams from our childhood are still very much alive and some we’ve developed as the years have gone by. I believe our dreams (when we’re sleeping) and dreams of becoming something valuable to society must be protected. Those dreams give us a glimpse into our passion and something to work towards. The first big step is identifying what we want to do with our time on this beautiful rotating planet. Most of us, including me for a while, went through the day on autopilot. Routines help us get into autopilot and I’d argue that’s a good thing cause who has time to think about each and every motion of the day. The routine has to be purposeful towards something meaningful though. Here are some of the reasons why we’re still held back from doing what makes us fulfilled:
1. Having too many options to pick from
Growing up, I was always told I have potential. Potential to do something great and I hung on to that. I hung on to that for a long time. Eventually, I was in my mid-20’s and the potential started to fade away. I had decision paralysis since the more options I had, the more difficult it was to pick one. The study conducted on Jams proves just this. I ended up picking two which were co-related and now I’m moving towards them. I implore you to pick something too. And if it turns out you don’t like it, you can move towards something you do like. At least you’ve closed a door at that point. Life for me is about closing as many doors as possible so I can walk through the doors that are truly for me.
2. Sharing dreams with the wrong person
When we have a new idea or a new passion to work on we want to share it with the world. And that starts with the people closest to us. Sometimes when we tell them, they’re ecstatic or they drag us down. It’s almost like we’re looking for validation from other people to tell us the idea is really good. When we tell the people closest to us something extraordinarily big, they don’t think it’ll work and because of that, we get told to stick to what is safe. They come from a good place of safety and don’t want you to venture into a risky venture. And then there are the people that will tear up your idea into a million pieces by laughing at you. That’s when we give up even before trying. I say hold on to that pain and use that pain to work on your idea. This pain will give you fuel on the bad days and one day those same people will ask you how you did it.
3. Failure
There is no success without failure. Failure is the stepping stone to success. Failure makes you think in ways success cannot. After failure, you begin to ask questions as supposed to thinking you have all the answers. We’ve become so afraid of failure that just thinking about it makes us want to go back into our comfort zone. I will add that there is catastrophic failure that we must indeed avoid. Failure to not recognize that I’m drunk and shouldn’t be driving only to be pulled over is a catastrophic one. However, most of us don’t have to worry about these types of failures because failing on the way to our path is a necessity and something that cannot be avoided. Learn from failure as it is your best teacher and then move ahead, this time wiser.
4. Mindset
Coming from a middle-class family who was blessed to have most of my needs met, it’s difficult for me to consciously put myself in pain because of my mindset. Some people are blessed with a great mindset from an early age due to their upbringing. For most of us, it’s something we have to cultivate. This means becoming so self-aware of all your habits, triggers, thoughts, vices, self-sabotaging behavior, limiting beliefs, and trauma, that you heal from it. Having a resilient mind is key to being on your path and not being held back.
5. Fear
Fear is a big one. Fear of the unknown or fear of failure is even more debilitating. Something that I’ve heard Tim Grover say which sums up fear well is even the best of the best all have fear and it’s something they have to overcome every day but they don’t have doubt. I resonate with having no self-doubt but the fear always remains and life is about overcoming that fear daily.
6. Ourselves
Finishing off with a cliché — it’s not the people around us, not the multiple options, failure, mindset, or fear that holds us back, but our very own selves. We give ourselves all the excuses in the world why we shouldn’t do it and we hold on to those reasons until our deathbed to only realize none of that mattered. We get one life and often we get caught up in the day-to-day that we forget this fact. Stop coming in your way and clear out the runaway so you can fly!
Decide between the pain of disciple or the pain of regret. I reckon if you talk to someone on their deathbed, they’ll say the pain of regret is far more painful than the pain of discipline. Wishing you the very best on your journey and stay blessed!
