Why Do We Struggle to Be ‘Good Enough’
Why It’s Never Seem to Be Enough
I have written a lot about the internal war that we all fight. The silent whispers that keep us awake till the wee hours. And how, inside our minds, we try to fight these demons. If someone could take a peek, they might declare us mad.
And do you know what’s the funny thing here?
That, even though everyone fights these battles, almost every single day, all of us feel that it only happens to us. That no one else has such a drama going on in their minds. That everyone is calm and composed and somehow, ‘I’ aka ‘you’ are the only one who faces such mental struggle.
The truth, however, is we are all mad. And we are all trying to hide this madness in whichever way possible to us.
But why does it happen?
Why is there so much clutter in our minds?
Why cannot we be calm and peaceful like the person who promises 5 steps to become your best version on YouTube?
Maybe, You Are Not Good Enough; The Reality:
‘Why do you feel you are not good enough?’
And let’s say, somehow your little ego and low self-esteem sit together and find a bunch of reasons why you are not good enough, ask yourself, ‘So, what if you are not good enough? How will it evaporate world hunger, change the mindset of society, and create a beautiful world for all of us to live in?’
Why do you think, for God’s sake, that your ‘not feeling good enough’, which by the way is based on absolute shit reasons, is so pathetically shameful as if it’s destroying the world or if you were good enough then somehow, magically, the world would become a better place?
Why do you feel that everything is your responsibility or your fault? Or that, if, just if you were good enough then you would have shown people what you are made of, and what all you could achieve and how funny and amusing you are.
There is a person named, Julien Blanc. He conducts live workshops where he teaches people how to feel free and live their best lives. He posts some of the clips from his interactions with his audience online as well. I have been watching him for the past two years or so. And do you know what’s the most common answer that almost everyone gives, when Julien asks, ‘Why do you feel so anxious?’
More often than not, people say,
‘I think I am not good enough.’
Believe me, when I see these people, I think they are the most beautiful person I have ever seen. But as they share more about their personal and professional lives, and the things they do on a regular basis, my perceptive change and I realize, they are not just beautiful but also really hard working as well as kind and soft-spoken.
YET…
Somehow, they all lend to the same conclusion of ‘not being good enough.’
And it makes me question time and again,
‘What is the finish line of being good enough?’
Worst, is there even a finish line or do we all just pretend that we are finally reaching the end, we are finally being enough when a new road opens up, a new way that shows us how we still need to be this, style like that, speak in that manner, say those words and achieve this and that, and then perhaps, we will be good enough. We keep running, in the hope, that one day, we will be enough yet, the ONE DAY never comes and the finish line seems to get further away the faster we run.
The Prize You Are Looking For:
‘Whose validation are you trying to seek as your prize?’
I think, with my little experience in life, that we seek to receive this prize of ‘being good enough’ from a certain person. It could be your mother, father, or teacher, or perhaps, you never had friends, so now you try extra hard to be good enough for the people you have in your life so they don’t leave you or you never say NO to them because you want to be the friend who is always supportive and available.
Maybe, the reason you think you cannot achieve your dreams is because your teachers at school made you feel stupid. Despite your best efforts, you were never appreciated or understood so now you try extra hard to achieve one goal after another to show that you are enough. But since the validation doesn’t come, you never stop.
Or maybe you don’t try at all because the belief of not being enough is so strong that even before starting, you know you will fail. This is even worse. Because
A) You want to give your dreams a chance. Something wants to be created by you so there is an energy trapped in you.
B) You are, subconsciously, finding reasons why it’s a stupid idea and why you will never be able to achieve it.
C) Another part of you is trying to fight against your belief of not being good enough so you read articles like these and watch motivational videos or read books on self-love. There is so much contrast within you that anxiety starts to develop until it makes you physically lazy to do what you have been willing and energized to do.
Whoever made you believe that you are not good enough is the person whose validation you might be seeking deep within.
You may not realize that but this evil voice of ‘not being enough’ was never a part of you.
The fact that you read these kinds of articles or books on self-love or try to remain sane when everything inside you is falling apart is proof that something in love hasn’t given up yet. Something in you believes that you are more than good enough.
The GOOD in you is always trying to reach out to you. It’s trying to communicate with you through the same silent whispers and intuitions. Your dreams, the little ideas, the little nudges, the sudden feeling that ‘I need to leave. I need to try. I need to go and explore this place. I need to mediate.’ These nudges come from you. From the good part of you. From the part that wants to tell you that,
‘You are already enough. Now, it’s time to feel it in your heart by performing actions that take you closer to the life you want rather than performing your life for others so you can become someone or have a life that they approve of.’
Maybe, It’s Okay To Not Be Enough:
I know, the heading might sound contrary to what we just discussed. But here is a simple truth,
You will never be good enough in everything.
But that’s okay.
However, the problem with the majority of us is that we start to judge our entire lives and potential based on one mistake, one setback, or one failure.
Not just that, there will be a lot of things in which you will suck. You are a human, not God. People who have low self-esteem or rather the ones who have a habit of judging themselves too harshly, never try doing anything new or when they do, they think their ‘mediocrity’ in a particular task defines their potential as a human.
If I try to write a poem today, I know I will suck. I am not a poet. But just because I cannot write a poem doesn’t mean I am not a good writer.
Or if I try to write the kind of articles that other people write which are dense in data and filled with research, it will take me a lot more time, and probably, in the process I might feel stupid. Because that’s not how I write. But does that make me a bad writer?
If I were an under-confident person, I would have said YES.
Truth be told, I used to feel stupid all the time before starting something new. I used to think, I could not learn this skill. It’s too tough for a person like me. And I felt that my mediocrity in one area defined how stupid I was, overall as a person.
So, when I say, you will never be good enough, I truly mean that. You cannot be good at everything you do. You cannot win the first prize in every activity. You cannot be everyone’s favorite human. And that’s okay.
If you try to be good at everything, you will drive yourself crazy.
And if you try to stop yourself from doing new things and living life, stupidly, you will find that there is not much to be happy about. Nothing to look forward to.
Instead of trying to be good enough for everyone and in everything, try to enjoy things as they are. Let yourself fall. Make a fool of yourself sometimes just to realize it’s not that serious and the world doesn’t turn upside down when people laugh at you. Learn new skills. Bake and if something burns, know that it’s a funny incident, not a sign of your not being good enough.
You will be more than good at a lot of things. Maybe how you make others feel and maybe how you approach your work. You should be proud of that. And you will suck so bad at some things. You can always try to improve but also know that life is not a competition and there are no external prizes.
The only prize you can keep your eye on is — your internal validation. As long as you have that, you will always feel good. Good about who you are and who you try to become for your own self, not for anyone else’s validation. Good for the life you have and the life you are building for yourself, not for other’s appreciation.
With that, I will now leave you to it. Think about it.
Until then, you can read my book — The Magic of Creative Living for more.
