Why Is It So Tough to Live a Life You Dream of?
Your dreams aren’t too big. Your dreams are just not yours
I often wonder what is it that stops us from living a good life?
You know…..
A life that feels complete. A life where we don’t rush our morning coffee to get to a place we hate and sit with people we don’t like and eat things that make us guilty and repeat the whole cycle while secretly wishing ‘I wish had a better life.’
Then some YouTuber or book makes you believe that you can live your dream life. They tell you how their life was just like you and then they started doing 5 things and 10 mental shifts and making a gratitude list and many things like these. And now, look they are living a dream life.
The external world makes you believe that if you do this and that then your life will change into a dream life.
Such innocent souls as we are, we try to implement everyone’s advice. Someone said, to wake up at 5 AM and make a gratitude list. Someone said making your bed in the morning can make your life better. While some didn’t know you but claimed that you are lazy and should be doing more to achieve more thus fulfilling your purpose.
Perhaps, that’s where we all went wrong.
Life, I wholeheartedly, believe was supposed to be so simple and sweet. But we made it complicated, undesirable, and tough.
Forget about everything for a second. And answer these:
a) All these videos, books, and podcasts that claim to teach you ‘how to achieve your dream life’, do they even know the first thing about you?
b) You want to live your dream life but do you even know what your dream life looks like? If I ask you to close your eyes and imagine your dream life, will you be able to feel it?
c) What is it in your life right now that you hate so much that you are ready to skip every moment of your life in the race to achieve the perfect version of yourself and your dream life which was sold to you by someone who doesn’t know you?
The bottom line is: Life is simple. Life is sweet. Life is beautiful.
But then the noise of the external world makes you believe that what you are doing is not enough. Look at you, you have so much potential. If you use it and work harder, you can achieve a lot more things in life.
And suddenly, what you were doing wasn’t enough. You felt the need to do more and achieve more even if that meant canceling plans with family and staying in your office for most of your life just to realize ‘how little you lived life.’
You spend your youth trying to achieve it all while putting off living for the later part and when you reach that later stage, you don’t have as much energy to make sudden plans and go hiking, most of your friends are dead and the people you love are scattered in the world. So, that later stage is lived with regret and wishing ‘I wish I was 30 so I could do this and that.’
Where did life go in this?
You feel completely satisfied with how you look. In fact, your attention never goes to external beauty or the comparison of it until the external world tells you that you have uneven skin tone, tanning and you have the nicest features that would look best if you use this cream, that oil, and the latest anti-wrinkle cream.
Then the same face that was home to laughter, joy, and big smiles became a graveyard where you mourn to have a brighter skin tone, thinner nose shape, and better teeth until you are 50 and you realize ‘You were always perfect and the people who loved never wanted to see a cute smile or a thin nose, they wanted to see your big smile, hear your jokes and comforting eyes which warms their hearts.’
You were completely fine with your life until the noise of the world informs you about 7 other side hustles you can do to make more money and how people of your age are already millionaires. And if you are not by now then you have wasted so much of your life.
Now, you and your life become a waste of pieces that you have to work on so you can prove your worth to everyone.
What After This?
All of this is not a brand-new information. You know this already, don’t you?
You know what you have is enough to live a good life yet something goes wrong. You know what you have today is the dream life of someone else so you must be grateful yet you always end up complaining.
Why?
Because, my love, it’s not about comparing your life with people who have less than you and forcing yourself to be grateful. You cannot force joy. You cannot force yourself to enjoy life.
You have to take a minute from your life, put the external world on pause, and silence your inner chatter. You have to let go of the narratives and opinions of others on ‘life and its worth.’ You have to sit down and realize that what you have today is exactly what you need to have a little fun with life. If you slow down the train of your thoughts and kick out the definition of dream life which was stuffed in your mind by your favorite author/YouTuber, you will realize what you have is enough to enjoy life whether it’s more or less than the people around you.
Why Is It Tough?
The reason it’s so tough for us to live our dream lives is because ‘this dream life’ didn’t come from our hearts.
This dream life is a vague idea that is constantly fed to us so that we are always in our chasing mode. The more you stay in chasing mode, the less you think, and the more dependent you become on the external world to tell you what you should and shouldn’t do.
No wonder, why we have so many books on the hacks of productivity. Really? Do you need a book to learn how to be productive? Isn’t productivity as simple as getting your ass on your chair and putting your head on the work? It’s just proof of how we all are headed toward the same goal while depending on the same people teaching us what to do.
How concerning yet so funny.
The reason it is so tough for you to live your dream life is that you are trying to achieve a definition that has nothing to do with you. You are just made to believe that if you do this, then you will have that and then you will be happier and the value of your life will be higher.
For example; I wasn’t any different. My life has changed a lot in the past two years but before that, I was so focused on becoming something that I thought was the ideal version of me. I would curse myself for sleeping till late and I wouldn’t let myself have a bite of food without guilt. I was constantly taking abuse at work because I thought ‘it’s normal. That’s the way to success.’
I had enough of this mental torture. I felt disconnected from my life. My mind became a prison. I had enough of it. I left my job. I was jobless for 5 months but my mornings were peaceful. I didn’t fear morning. I gradually learned to honor my sleeping cycle and found a way to enjoy life in little things instead of waiting and working for that one final day when my life would feel like a dream.
I realized that I had enough and the fact that I could work every day to afford my dream life, which was buying a cute cup, going to my favorite coffee shop, crocheting in my free time, watching my favorite movies with my favorite kind of overnight oats and a lot more little (but not so little) things like this that truly make me feel happier and connected to my life at this moment.
What Can You Do?
I am not a monk. I do want to achieve a lot of things in life. But earlier, I wanted to have it all so I could prove my worth and build a purposeful life.
I have realized that the worth of my life and myself doesn’t depend on how much I achieve. People around me wouldn’t give a damn if I make 10k a month of 1k. I am to pay my bills. To them, my worth will be more if I laugh with them more and share a good chit-chat now and then.
When you die, people won’t talk about your achievements. The world had Albert Einstein and the world has me. Both of us are equal. Because the world moves on. Neither it remembers Albert Einstein every day nor will it remember Renuka and not you.
So, all this work you are putting in to make your life and yourself worthy enough, it’s vain. Your physical beauty or badges of honor the size of your bank account or your aesthetic home is no good for anyone. Sure, it can get you attention for a while. But in the end, no one really cares.
Then, who else is left?
YOU.
If your life doesn’t feel satisfying to you even after doing it all then you lost the game of life. As I said, I am not going to ask you to not work to achieve things. Sure, work hard and make money.
But in the hopes of achieving the perfect definition of a dream life, dream body, dream income, and all the more dreams like this, don’t forget you have a responsibility towards yourself — working on making your life beautiful and personal every day.
It’s your job to fill your room with all the things that make you feel at home and do a little spa at home every weekend, cook good meals for yourself every evening, sip your favorite tea/coffee with a good book/movie or just watching the scenery out of your window, making plans with your friends, calling your parents and telling them how much you love them, watering your plants, going to bed early and having soft sheets cuddle you.
Living your dream life is not about working every day to wait to get to that ONE FINAL DAY when you will be able to say ‘I did it.’
Living your dream life is about filling your day-to-day life with all the things that you always wanted to enjoy and romanticizing the things you have. Knowing you can wake up without the worry of paying bills and you can start your day as you like and go to work because it helps you to buy your dreamiest stuff and work with all your dedication because you know there is more in life which is yet to be unfolded.
You don’t have to let go of success to enjoy life or vice-versa. You can have both, high ambitions and happiness.
It’s on you. Whether you want to stay focused on what you can do or take the pressure from the world on ‘why are you not doing more?’
The choice is yours. Choose focus. Choose to live your dream life every day instead of waiting for that one final day. Don’t exhaust your soul. Nourish it with love and joy.
