Why It’s Become Harder to Find Your “Soulmate”
The word “soulmate” may not be the correct term. Perhaps they don’t exist. Maybe, there isn’t one said person that is meant for you, and you’re meant for them. In the grand scheme of things, it seems to be more of a fantasy than reality.
Today, the opportunities for meeting someone from any part of the world are higher than ever before. There are dating apps that allow you to choose a location to see people who are available in any town, state, country, or continent. Social media has granted people access to search for anyone they may have run into that one time and never saw again. Or, if you are attracted to a friend of a friend of a friend, you can just give them a follow, like a few posts, send them a message, and you may have found your next love. It’s the most opportunistic and ideal time to actually find your true “soulmate.”
Yet, how many of us have found them?
By them, I mean that one special person that you’ve had no problems with. No arguments. No bumps in the road. No trust issues. Not a single doubt in your mind that this person is the “one.” Why’s this?
What if the internet, social media, and technology have created a world where finding your soulmate is harder than it was without them?
That’s right. The things that have attributed to making our social and love lives more convenient, may actually be deterring from our ability to really find someone we want to spend the rest of our lives with. How is this possible?
There’s unfortunately, an endless amount of reasons as to why very few people have found real, genuine love in their lives. And most of them didn’t stumble upon it through an app on a device.
Love is A Natural Feeling
Love and happiness are two entirely different emotions. Happiness can last a second or a day. Happiness comes and goes from your life and can be created in several ways. Watching a movie, laughing from a joke, eating your favorite dish, or looking back at old photographs.
These are all fragmentations that never increment to what love is.
When we look at someone on social media or a dating app, it tends to be the best version of themselves. A version that will only exist through what we’ve referred to as being similar to the “honeymoon stage.” More often than not, we think this person is hot or perfect for you at that moment, but it takes the span of a day to realize that they aren’t the “one” when they don’t respond to you or if they do, it’s a “dry” message that took hours for you to hear back from. You were more than likely not the only one to do or think the same thing on that very day either.
These apps have done something that you crave upon, the feeling of happiness. Putting scenarios in your head of what life would be like with this person that you swiped right on and when you don’t get a match, it’s a game of highs and lows. You talk to someone for a day or two, and then someone else comes along that you think is more compatible or more attractive than the person before.
It’s a never-ending game of trying to find the perfect match, when they may not exist.
Finding someone in the real world, there is a connection that doesn’t come from the strength of your wifi.
In that exact moment, it’s you, them, and your surroundings. You aren’t distracted by the possibility of finding someone better because you were at the same place and time as them. You felt something that no phone has been able to provide, yet that is.
Think about how long dating apps have existed in comparison to how long humans have been interacting without Facetime or Facebook.
There’s a reason why we have evolved for as long as we have without the necessity of being on social media to search for someone that probably doesn’t exist.
How Long Someone Takes To Reply Defines Them As A Person
We make an image of someone based on the lengths they take to respond to your text.
This image has made people become annoyed when the person you’re talking to takes hours or days to answer a simple text message or call.
In your eyes, they could be just what you’ve been looking for. They have the looks, the smarts, the same interests as you, but damn are they awful at replying. This immediately brings you into an array of questions.
Who else could they be talking to? Are they not as interested in me anymore? Am I not saying the right things? Should I text them again?
Society has doomed two of the most crucial building blocks of having a healthy relationship. Patience and Trust.
When your partner or person of interest isn’t answering in a “timely” manner, you assume for the worst. You think your relationship or the potential to have one is in turmoil because you know they’ve been on their phone and have read that message at some point that day.
That “what if” feeling is filled with anxiety and misplaces the feelings you have for them. Forgetting what they mean to you because of misjudging their actions.
The Potential For Someone To Cheat Is Higher Than Ever
Why is it that every time I’m listening to a podcast or reading through news articles, a new cheating scandal has been brought to light? Couples that you thought would have a “happily ever after” like ending are destroyed because some model or other celebrity was brought into the picture.
When the people we look up to and fantasize about being have relationships fail as hard as there’s do, you start to wonder if anyone can ever stay together.
It’s honestly quite sad. Perhaps the number of people cheating hasn’t risen, but the amount of those who are being caught has. When the limelight is always on famous couples, we know about their business more than we do our family’s.
Two things have emerged from these scandals.
- People believe real love doesn’t exist.
- That results in people not wanting to be married or in a relationship.
This is a recipe for preventing any “disaster” from happening in your own life. To find love, we have to know what it is first. Putting doubts into your head that if people with tons of money and fame can’t maintain a stable relationship, establishes a mentality that you can’t either.
Social Media Has Made Knowing Someone Way Too Simple
The beautiful thing about the beginning of a relationship is learning things about that person that nobody else knows.
You feel special that you’re worthy enough to know things that they haven’t told anyone else.
Unfortunately, our lives have been practically recorded with tons of videos and words online. It’s hard to find moments or thoughts that someone has that isn’t exposed for everyone to see.
For instance, I can friend request, follow, or do whatever I have to do to have access to a random person’s life and I feel as if I’ve known them forever. You see what they like, where they spend most of their time, who else they follow, and what their beliefs/interests are in the span of maybe 5 minutes. It’s like a movie of their life is played out in front of you.
There’s this lack of feeling as if you don’t know someone entirely that resents you from asking more questions or trying to figure this person out. If you believe that they show everything they do, want, and enjoy on social media, your demeanor to try is diminished. There comes a distinct satisfaction in putting the pieces together of a person’s life. If the puzzle is already solved, what more is there to do?
Comparisons Comparisons Comparisons.
That’s all social media has become, hasn’t it? An attempt to figure out who’s better at this and who knows more about what by the number of followers and likes they get.
We make presumptions about people when we notice that the ratio of followers to following is lopsided or vice versa.
Both men and women are guilty of it. It’s a beauty and popularity contest that never seems to deem a winner unless you’re Kylie Jenner. But not even she can keep a healthy relationship. Nor can any of her sisters.
We search for compatibility based on physical attributes before we get to know who someone really is. With social media, we base followers, likes, retweets, whatever shows your popularity to who you are as a person in the same light that we judge what someone’s physical beauties are. We’ve made it almost impossible to be satisfied with one individual because we are constantly seeing other people that we think are either more attractive or compatible for you.
And that’s what brings the last and most significant reason why finding a “soulmate” has become virtually impossible.
Accepting Someone’s Flaws
With comparisons comes defining what someone’s strengths and weaknesses are. If you are to find true love, accepting someone for who they are is a must. Because of social media, we instantly make judgments and comparisons to others without any remorse. Often forgetting that we ourselves aren’t perfect either.
Finding someone to love isn’t hard. Accepting someone for who they are is. That’s why the term “soulmate” is so overrated. It puts everything you could ever imagine into one individual, forgetting that they will have flaws and imperfections too.
Maybe coming across your soulmate will never happen. Maybe that personification of a lover doesn’t exist. That doesn’t mean you can’t be with someone that won’t love you for who you are and you do the same. There was once a time where people only married and loved those in their vicinity. That method is still a viable option.
If you believe that comparing everyone you see online to this imaginary person that’s in your head will bring you “true” love. Or if you think comparing every person you see online to fit your satisfactory needs, the only person you’ll be loving is yourself. Making love that is.
So, before you get back into the dating scene, remember that social media and dating apps haven’t been the only method to finding love. Face to face interaction will always be better than being behind a screen.
Get off your phone when you’re in public. How are you ever supposed to interact with people in reality if you only look virtually? You’d be surprised how many single people that’ll be willing to chat walking into Target.
