Why It’s So Hard for You to Trust The Process
Why is it so hard for you to believe that something good will become of your life?
Why are anxiety and disruptive thoughts the only default behavior you fall for any time the present seems hard and the future looks uncertain?
There is not one but thousands of quotes on Instagram that say, ‘If it’s meant to be, it will be.’ Or that, ‘I don’t chase, I attract.’
You have come across these quotes, haven’t you?
Not once but multiple times. And God only knows, how many times you have commented, typing it from your own two hands, ‘Thank you. I needed to hear this.’
Reading these kinds of quotes, or lines on the internet gives you a sense of faith. It silences the chatter in your mind for a few hours or perhaps days. You begin to believe — that — maybe everything will be fine.
But what happens when the effect of these quotes wears off? How come you end up creating fifteen different ways you could fail or how everything would go against you or that something terrible will happen because the present moment seems so uncomfortable and unfamiliar?
Why is it that your and mine default ‘thinking’ always pushes us towards the end of the edge? Why can’t we remember in tough times that ‘If it’s meant to be, it will be.’
Evolving the ‘Monkey’ Brain:
Why do we think ‘negative?’
I think, there is no such thing as negative thinking. You need to understand that our brains rely on estimating the possible danger so we can be prepared for what’s to come. Analyzing the situation is not negative thinking. It’s strategic thinking. It’s your mind’s way of keeping you safe.
Now, let’s go back to a time when we, humans, were monkey-man. We used to travel, eat, sleep, and do everything in between in groups. Why?
So that when a giant animal attacks us, we can fight against such danger together. We evolved from monkeys to humans based on one thing — we understood the power of the brain. We understood how the brain works. We understood what thinking really is.
However, before we could realize the power of our brains, we were naked monkeys for who anything ‘unfamiliar or new’ was a sign of danger. There was no such thing as preparing for the five years ahead to dominate the industry you wish to work in. Thus, if something, someone looked new or unfamiliar, due to lack of thinking, we used to consider it as a ‘danger.’
This, to date, is still one of the biggest reasons why so many of us are afraid to do anything new. Why it’s so tough for us to give our dreams a chance even when we know what needs to be done — the future looks unfamiliar, or rather completely dark — thus, a sign of danger for our not-so-evolved ‘monkey’ brain.
You might like to believe that it’s been ages since we evolved into humans. But FEAR is still the biggest dominating emotion that controls our brains and thus, our actions.
Look around you and try to observe how so many people/religions/countries perform certain actions based on fear.
It is the fear of becoming a minority that certain religions attack and forcibly convert other people.
It is the fear that your kid might not be able to become successful that you force them to study without paying attention to their emotion or mental well-being.
It is the fear of not being able to make it big in the world that you do everything in your power — whether that’s buying another course guide or watching a YouTube about how to get a glow-up.
It is the fear of not being chosen or left out that you try so hard to blend in, to be one of them.
It is the fear of wasting your life that you try to maximize every hour of your day by filling it with as many tasks as possible.
It is the FEAR that you don’t know what might happen that you cannot trust the ‘timing’ of your life or believe that ‘What’s meant to be will be.’
Now the question is, if we have evolved so much then why is it that our brains still seek for ‘danger’ which might never happen?
The answer is — the practice of practicing the wrong thinking.
Meaning?
Let’s understand.
Trusting The Process VS Trusting Yourself:
Do you know why your brain’s go-to is negative thinking?
Because you didn’t consciously choose to change the direction of your thinking.
What do I mean by that?
Fear is normal. Anyone who says, I am not afraid of what will happen is lying. They are selling a confident image. You buy that image and think, someday, you will no longer be afraid of your future too.
And in the process, you become so harsh on yourself — blaming and trying to find the reason why cannot you be more brave like them.
Bravery doesn’t exist in the absence of fear.
Bravery exists in the presence of faith and trust.
Faith and trust on…what?
Faith is not in God or in the timing of your life.
Faith and Trust in yourself.
How?
Let’s understand it through an example.
For example: I have been afraid of my future as a writer, and as an author in the past. When my first book performed so well but my second book didn’t as much. I started doubting my writing skills. It gave me chills just to think, ‘What if I got lucky the first time but in the future, my books don’t sell that much? What will I do then? Who will I write for? How will I earn money?’
You see, everyone is afraid. And my fear is valid. I trust that whatever happens, it will be for my greater good. But at that moment when I had the data that spoke against the ‘Whatever was happening was for my greater good,’ it became kind of tough to trust in this invisible God.
In fact, for a moment, I started thinking if all this ‘meant to be’ stuff is just another gimmick of social media.
But as a few weeks passed and I sat with my fear, my internal dialogues, the more afraid I felt, the more I thought, and the more I tried to understand and read my life, I came to one simple conclusion:
‘I have done it once, I can do it again.’
At this moment, my trust is not just based on God or the invisible forces of the Universe. I speak positively and enjoy life vibrating at a higher frequency. But that’s not what makes me feel so confident. It’s all a backup. A good story to support my brain.
My real confidence comes from MY OWN ABILITY to make things happen.
There is a famous story in India. A person asks God, ‘Why should I work if everything is already decided for me by you.’
God says, ‘Because, I have left a few pages empty for you to write your story as how you want it to be.’
Learn to Trust Yourself:
Do you know why a bird never sees if the branch she sits on is broken or not?
Because she has faith in her wings.
You. And I.
We don’t have it in our wings.
The reason it’s tough for you to trust the timing of your life or to believe that what’s meant to be will be is because you don’t TRUST yourself.
If you did then you would say, ‘Even if something good doesn’t come out of this, I will find a way to make it good.’
That is what gives people confidence. That makes people trust the process. Because they know that after this, if something bad happens, I know myself well enough that despite the circumstances, I will make it good.
In my case. Let’s say no one reads my second book. So, what?
They will read the third or fourth one or perhaps the tenth one. In any case, I know I am not going to stop writing because the number doesn’t support me. In the meantime, if I need to in the future, I can get a job. I can cut down on expenses if it comes to that.
But, my trust in myself is so strong that it doesn't matter how many copies I sell, in my eyes, what I write matters.
Now ask yourself, ‘Can you trust yourself enough to know that even if the process looks scary, the future seems dark and your monkey brain starts to panic, you won’t give up? You won’t let your ‘fear-based thinking’ take you away in the direction of anxiety, and pain?’
It’s just about shifting the focus. From trusting the process to trusting yourself.
I wholeheartedly believe that what’s meant to be, will be. Even if you work your butt off, if it’s not meant to happen then it won’t. BUT…
Is your trust in yourself strong enough to believe that even if all my efforts go in vain, I will start again? I will work on something else. I will find a way. I won’t let myself drown. I won’t let myself cry alone at 3 AM at night. I won’t let myself slip away into the hole of darkness.
When you learn to trust yourself, trusting the process will come naturally to you.
Fearful thinking says ‘Everything looks uncertain. I am sure everything is going against me.’
Trust says, ‘Everything looks uncertain. That means I am working on something I have never done before. I know, I will learn so many new things and will become a whole new version of myself.’
Conclusion:
Forget about ‘meant’ to be as the end result. It’s about how you approach your daily life. How you treat yourself in the process. Because how you live day-to-day will define whether you can trust yourself or not. When you live your daily life giving your best, be it in your work or relationship, you build enough evidence for your brain to believe — that you are a reliable person. You are a responsible person — someone who can navigate through tough times with ease.
So ask yourself today.
How should you live your daily life such that it speaks confidence?
What can do you for yourself every day that it improves your self-image?
Trusting the process is not about the one-day magic mantra. Trusting the process is backed by strong self-trust. And strong self-trust comes from a reliable day-to-day life.
To read more from me, you can get my book — ‘The Magic of Creative Living: A Conscious Path to a Joyful Life.’
