Why online message boards suck
And what you can do to be tougher than cyberbullies.
Bullies targeted me on an online music forum recently, and after I posted a reply kindly asking others to show some empathy, I notified the administrators of the message board that I thought it would be wise for them to close the thread.
A few bullies responded on the thread by telling me not to play the victim card, a few others “liked” their comments, and the thread remains open to this day.
A week later I tried to register on the same forum, but this time as a new user with a different email address. After all, there were still plenty of good apples on the forum, and they were sharing invaluable knowledge I wanted to consume.
In just five mere words, the system declared my registration invalid. I tried again. Same computer. Same network. Same result.
Is it a bug, I asked myself? I did my research and what I uncovered made my jaw hit the floor.
The administrators banned my IP address from the forum, and they did it with no notice or explanation.
I learned so much from this experience and I’d like to share it with you now.
The Internet solves so many problems and it often enables others.
The Web gives people of all ages, ethnicities, genders, sexual preferences, and the like an open invitation to learn, explore, ask questions, and listen. But it also gives people the opportunity to bully others anonymously from the safety of their own homes, with the support of friends and strangers alike who pound on their victim, whether the onslaught is strategically coordinated or happenstance.
Cyberbullying is even more attractive to a bully because a single person can inflict harm on another — a massive attack is often not needed to impose harm on the victim.
Online message boards in particular are imperfect platforms for healthy dialogue but they’re perfectly structured to enable derogatory comments, abuse, and mob mentalities.
A person posts, others comment, and if the original poster (OP) is lucky, the platform allows them to edit their post once or twice before closing that functionality.
On one hand, OPs tend to change their posts when they find they’ve posted content they later regret or content they’ve changed their mind about, while others are honest enough with themselves to add updates to the original post rather than edit the original content itself. Let your words live, and if you change your mind, speak your mind.
But a major shortcoming in these online forums, among other issues, is that users continue to comment without reading through the entire thread, often missing comments by the OP and it’s supporters who may very well be aiming, and doing a pretty damn good job at that, of tempering the storm. The OP might even acknowledge mistakes that others have pointed out they’ve made, whether or not the OP thinks the mistakes are mistakes at all.
Is there much we can do to design online message boards better or to mitigate cyberbullying without putting limitations on First Amendment rights?
I’m afraid nothing I’ve thought of yet will move the needle in ways meaningful enough for me to justify the energy needed to make them happen.
Research shows that people bully — children and adults alike — for a short list of common reasons:
- To make themselves popular or to get attention.
- Because they’re jealous.
- To appear tough or feel powerful.
- To escape their own problems.
- Because they’re being bullied themselves.
The next time you feel bullied, remember these important lessons:
- It is not your fault. The bully is the person with the problem. They don’t deserve satisfaction and you are stronger than they are.
- There’s no reason to dwell on it. Record evidence of the bullying, and report the problem to appropriate people — your parents, school officials, or online forum moderators. If the bullying continues, or the people you seek help from don’t deliver, take a deep breath. It’s going to be ok.
- Be proud of who you are and what you think. Pat yourself on the back and smile. The physical act of smiling will send happy feelings to your brain!
- Find friends or family members you can talk to when you feel hurt by a cyberbully.
- Do things you enjoy whether it be reading, writing, drawing, playing sports, recording music, painting, doing crossword puzzles… you name it. You’re in control, no one else!
- Engage in exercise, deep breathing, or mindfulness meditation to relieve stress and free your mind from the noise. Observe yourself when your brain wonders and you think of something in the past or what might come in the future, and return to your focus in the present. Practice mindfulness in a safe space and relax. There’s no way to do it wrong.
- Be nice to others and don’t reciprocate by bullying others. If you find yourself taking out your own pain or frustration on others, stop, take a deep breath, and adjust yourself.
- Find medical help if the pressure or the pain is too great. If you feel especially hurt and can’t manage the situation, talk to your parents, your spouse, your friend, or another adult you know and trust and ask them to help you find professional help. There is absolutely nothing wrong with seeking a behavior health specialist. Doing so shows you value yourself.
Contributing sources: helpguide.org and Psychology Today
