You Are Not Your Mistakes
Life wants you to make them
Note to the reader: Read with your heart.
Sometimes, I reflect on the hurts I’ve gathered from my past experiences.
At others, I randomly ask myself; why do I even keep beating myself up for this? I didn’t know any better. If I knew, I wouldn’t have done it. It’s not like I’d want to willingly dig my own grave.
Pondering on those questions brings up yet another matter to my awareness; is this part of the way life is designed? Trial and error?
A few weeks ago, I witnessed a friend who is known for being jovial and fun to be around turn dark and rather extremist towards some of our common acquaintances for reasons that didn’t require such an attitude.
It was frustrating.
Why go to such lengths for something as insignificant? Not only was he ashamed of his behavior after the storm passed, but most people now prefer avoiding him.
While I was upset with him, thinking about cutting him off for some time so that he understands what he did wasn’t right —I couldn’t condemn him because it was the first time he behaved this way after many years of being jovial and fun to be around.
His past behavior over many years demonstrated who he is, while his impulsive behavior during a moment of weakness couldn’t.
He made a mistake.
While his ego wouldn’t allow him to openly admit it, the fact that he avoided us, his friends, for the many days that followed showed he knew he did something wrong.
You don’t need to say it out loud. We got it. Hopefully you do better next time. Let’s move on.
Unless I learn to look at myself with compassion, it’s hard to do it with others.
We all have grudges toward some people, for various reasons.
Many of them are justified; we were wronged, betrayed, hurt and so on. Some people have for hobby to hold grudges, hopefully it doesn’t apply to us reading and writing this.
While the reasons behind our grudges may have some validity, many times, the people who hurt us made mistakes.
Yes, it may have been premeditated, but it was the best they knew back then.
“Much of the evil in this world is due to the fact that man, in general, is hopelessly unconscious.”
― C.G. Jung, Modern Man in Search of a Soul
They saw life the way they did according to their level of maturity at that time. And so do we when we are arrogant, competitive, addicted, and so on. Under these dynamics are deeper sufferings that have not been addressed.
Some people are in the habit of being overly critical as an example, and if we are not a little more aware than the average person, we may take it personally when in fact, they are still hurt from having been criticized earlier in life.
When you see that, you can’t take what they say personally. Of course, it doesn’t mean accepting disrespect. No, you do what you have to do in real time but internally, you know how to detach from it.
The same goes with pompous egos.
Nobody likes arrogant people, yet when you look through the arrogance, what you see is again a hurt person. Someone who has felt insecure, unsure and needed reassurance that wasn’t given to her.
Competitive coworkers? They crave the same appreciation you do. Maybe you got it but they didn’t. And now, they look down on you when you’re praised. They want to be appreciated too, that’s all.
Navigating such environments should teach you a thing or two about what to say, and to whom.
Overtime, as we keep looking within ourselves while pondering over questions similar to the ones I’ve written above, the grudges we may have had start to fall apart.
It was the best we both knew at the time.
You have as hard of a time learning about life as I do.
While who we once were seems to have justified our messy relationship, when I learn to look again at what happened between us with a new perspective — the pain, the hurts, the suffering fall apart.
I can’t condemn you even if I try. My heart won’t allow me to.
Just like me, you have a child in you, one that needs love and compassion the most. And from this day, it is this child in you that I choose to see, and send all my love and compassion to.
How would I live if those I love never forgave me? Who am I, therefore, not to forgive? And, what is forgiveness if not wisdom from the heart?
Nothing good comes out of being impatient with a child.
Mistakes are part of life. The more we can assist those who make them into correcting them, the quicker they learn, and the more likely they are to give life a try, to test different approaches, and to stay eternally curious.
And in my opinion, our world needs more of such enthusiastic souls who never get old, regardless of their age.
Lastly, as my mentor likes to say: At the end of the day, what was done to us we don’t choose, how we respond to it and what we make of it however is entirely in our hands.
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Thanks for reading.
